Chapter 47

Slumped outside of Billie’s hospital room, Jay had both hands knotted into his hair, tightening his grip deliberately, using the pain to anchor him. What he wanted to do right now was leave. Leave the hospital and go straight to Wachovia, to look for Nick. To look for Nick and then, when he found him, to beat him to within an inch of his worthless life before handing him over to the cops.

He felt his cellphone buzz in his pocket, the silent alert telling him it was a text message, and when he pulled it from his pocket he saw the message was from Mike, his closest friend on the team. His closest friend in the city, really. As he slid the phone open to call his buddy, a nurse walked by and frowned at him.

“Sir, you can’t use cellphones in here. It affects the equipment.”

Jay sighed, but closed the phone. Somehow, knowing that a lot of that ‘equipment’ was currently hooked up to his mom made the warning more important to him. Sighing again, he got to his feet, looking for an exit. Something told him Desi could be in there with his mom for a while.

“Could you let my mom know I’m just outside?” He asked diffidently, nodding toward the closed door. “Billie Kelsall. My…….my girlfriend’s in with her right now.”

“Of course, Mr Kelsall.” The nurse was mollified by his instant acceptance of the rule. Well, that and the fact she was no more armored against his handsome face and crooked little-boy smile than any other woman.

Giving her a flash of a half-strength smile, Jay headed for the nearest exit, taking the stairs to ground level, then following the exit signs until he found himself outside.

He drew a deep breath of the fresh air, realising he hadn’t been outside since getting back from his apartment hours ago, then he found a quiet corner away from traffic and leaned back against the wall, pulling his phone out again.

The bandages on his hands fortunately left his fingers fairly free, and he read Mike’s brief message - basically a ‘call me’ - then hit the speed-dial for his friend, waiting while it connected.

“Jay? Where you been?” Came the answering voice, and Jay exhaled sharply, holding that same iron control as he rested his head back on the wall, closing his eyes.

“Hey Mike. I’m up at Thomas Jefferson. Been here since last night I guess.”

“What the fuck? What happened now? Can’t you stay out of trouble?”

“Not me, Mike.” Jay heard the quaver in his voice and steadied himself, hoping his friend hadn’t caught it. “My mom.”

“Aw, shit, I’m sorry Jay. What happened? She okay?”

In his living room, Mike hunched forward on the couch, his original intention of asking Jay if he wanted to join the rest of the team for a boys’ night out forgotten in the wake of this news.

“She…….she was assaulted last night. In her hotel room.” Please, please don’t ask me for details. I can’t say it. I can’t tell you this right now.

“Assaulted?” Mike said carefully, his tone saying he understood the euphemism.

“Yeah. She…..shit. I almost lost her, Mike. She was in surgery for a few hours, but the doctor reckons she should be okay. Mostly okay. Depends if there’s any complications from the….uhh….from what happened.”

“I get ya.” He didn’t make Jay explain any further. “I’ll let you get back to her, buddy. Tell her…..tell her I’m thinking of her, okay? Of you both. You need anything, you call me. Anything.”

“Yeah.” Jay muttered bitterly. “When I get my hands on the fucker, you can hold him down for me.”

“Glad to.” Mike said without hesitation, meaning it.

“I’ll talk to you later, Mike.” Jay could feel his control slipping again, the mental image of Nick in pain, bleeding and broken filling his head until he could feel the red fuzz of rage blurring his thoughts.

“Bye, buddy.” Mike replied, ending the call.

“Yeah.” Jay echoed into the empty line, his hand clenching around the phone until the pain finally worked it’s way into his brain, steadying him from the anger again. Seemed that it was the only thing he could do right now - either use Desi’s…….love?......as an anchor, or use pain to hold himself together.

Turning around, he punched his fists against the rough brick of the wall. Not with excessive force, but just enough to rekindle the earlier pain, flushing the rage from his mind. When his head cleared, he looked down and grimaced at the fresh blood on both bandages.

“Desi’ll kick my ass.” He muttered to himself, leaning his forehead on the brick for a moment before drawing himself upright and heading back inside.


In the hospital room, Billie’s racking sobs had finally subsided into soft weeping, then into silence broken only by the occasional soft hiccup of a sob. Kadie was sitting on the bed with her, holding the hand that wasn’t attached to a machine, stroking her fingers gently back and forth, soothing without words. Finally, Billie pulled herself out of the anguish, forcing it away through pure strength, the anger beginning to build in her again. She clung to it. Clung to the anger as a defense against the heartbreak of what had been done to her.

“Thanks, Kadie.” She said huskily, freeing her hand long enough to wipe ineffectually at her reddened eyes.

“No problem at all.” The younger woman replied, reaching out to grab a box of tissues, offering it to Billie. “Here you go.”

With a wan smile, Billie took a handful of soft tissue, blotting her eyes dry then blowing her nose, trying to regain her composure.

“I don’t usually cry.” She said lamely.

“Hey! You’re entitled.” Kadie said firmly. “I’d be far more worried if you didn’t cry, if you bottled it all up inside like……”

“Like Jay’s doing?” Billie knew her son too well. Hell, he got that from her.

“He was. I convinced him that he needs to keep himself together around you right now, but he can let go when he’s with me. He’s okay.”

“How much does he know?” Billie asked, nodding down toward her own body. “About what happened, I mean.”

“Uhhh…….I……”

“Please, Kadie. Just tell me.”

“He knows what was done to you. I found out, and I told him. I thought he should know, because they weren’t sure they could save you, Billie. You were very very sick for a while there.”

“Shit.” She turned her head away for a moment, embarrassed to have it confirmed that her son knew just how she’d been assaulted.

“Not your fault!” Kadie snapped. “He knows why it happened, too, Billie. He knows you were being….blackmailed…..over his father.”

Billie laid her head back on the pillow, but Kadie wasn’t finished.

“He knows……who did it, Billie.”

“He what?!” Billie’s head snapped up. “How the hell does he know that?”

“You told me, mom.” Came Jay’s voice from over at the door.

Both women looked over in surprise - he’d opened the door so silently that neither of them had been aware of his presence, and they had no clue how long he’d been there. Not that it really mattered.

“I told you?”

“Uh-huh. When you thought I was……Jon. You were rambling, and you said how ‘he’ - Nick - had found out about me, about my father, and how he made you……. It was Nick Fabian, right, mom?”

Her eyes filling with tears again, Billie nodded silently, then something told her she had to say it, to purge it from her soul by admitting it. Admitting it to herself, mostly.

“Yes. Nick Fabian was the one who……who raped and assaulted me……”

“What are we going to do about him?” Jay asked, closing the door and approaching the bed. Hell, if his mom said hunt him down and castrate him, Jay was up for that.

“I……..” Billie looked at him pleadingly. “I don’t know right now, Jay. I think I - we - need to talk with Jon first.”

“You’re still going to fucking protect him?!”

“No! That’s not what I meant, Jay.” Billie’s anger slipped through, and for once Jay was actually glad to see it - angry was good right now. “I still don’t want to destroy his family any more than he seems hell-bent on doing himself. I just think we need to give him a chance to speak to his children before this hits the media. And I’m including you in that, Jay. I want you two to talk. Like adults. Without any more punches being thrown.”

As she said that, Billie looked down at Jay’s hands, and when she gasped Kadie’s eyes followed hers, seeing the blood soaked through the dressings.

“Dammit, Jay!” Kadie snapped, getting off the bed. “Sit down and stay there. I’ll get fresh dressings.”

Billie had to chuckle when her chastened son obediently sat by the bed, watching as his personal nurse left the room. Unfortunately, though, even the soft chuckle jarred her battered body, and she couldn’t quite stifle a whimper of pain, clenching her eyes shut to ride it out. When she opened them again, Jay was staring up at her, sadness in his eyes, then he got to his feet and leaned over the bed, hugging her carefully.

“I love you, mom.”