Chapter 45

Billie’s head fell back onto the pillow, the pain of what - who - she was seeing unbelievably intense. Her eyes were closed, tears squeezing from under her lashes, but she heard the door close, then the soft footsteps, and she forced herself to look up.

“He hates me.” She whispered sadly, her heart breaking.

“No.” Kadie said gently, taking Billie’s hand, gazing into her eyes. “He doesn’t. He just……he just needs a little time, Billie, and I said I’d come up, give him a chance to get things straight in his head.”

“He doesn’t hate me?” There was an almost pathetic amount of hope in her voice, the pain - and the painkillers - breaking her usual barriers.

“No, he doesn’t. I don’t think he really knows it right now, but he will, Billie.” Her fingers tightened on the other woman’s hand. “If I have to beat it into him, he’ll get it.”

At that, Billie managed a tiny smile. God, I like this girl.

“Can you help me sit up?” She asked, hating to need help, but well warned by the nurses of the potential consequences of another jerking movement.

“Sure.” Professional skill took over, and Kadie gently moved Billie into a half-sitting position, then Billie smiled at her, the drugs finally smoothing away the pain.

“Would you……….” She flushed. “Sorry. I know you’ll want to get back to Jay.”

“I can stay awhile.” Kadie accurately guessed Billie had been about to ask her to stay, and she moved the chair a little closer, curling onto the hard seat.

“Thanks.” Billie said sincerely. “Is Jay okay?” She frowned suddenly as a memory hit. “His hands were bandaged! What happened?”

“He has a temper.” Kadie smiled. “He took it out on the waiting room wall. Lucky for him it was sheetrock, not brick.”

“Damned temper. Usually he can hold it down, but just sometimes, when it breaks loose……well, like fa……” She cut herself off.

“It’s okay, Billie. Really. I know, about his……father. I kinda knew before he did.”

“How?!”

“It was one of those ‘eureka’ moments.” She smiled wryly, remembering how her thoughts had slammed to a halt, ramming into each other like cars on a freeway. “I’d been out of the room, and when I opened the door they were sitting together on the couch, and the way they looked up, same hair, same eyes, same expression…….”

“…..and both fidgeting with something in their hands?” Billie asked, and Kadie giggled.

“Uh-huh. I can’t believe nobody’s seen it before. Can’t believe I didn’t see it before!”

“You wouldn’t, because you’d no reason to suspect it. Anyway, I…….shiiiit.” Billie arched her back as a sudden pain knifed through her, gasping her way through it as Kadie watched and waited for the spasm to pass.

“Okay?” She asked as Billie relaxed.

“Uh…yeah. Thanks.” Her heart fluttered as the pain eased again. “How bad are his hands?”

Kadie shrugged. “Nothing major. No broken bones, anyway. Cuts and bruises mainly, though he did open up the cuts again when he…….ummm…….when he hit Jon.”

“He what?! He hit him? Why?”

“Because his automatic assumption right now is that he’s the result - possibly unwanted - of a less than romantic backstage encounter…….but he got mad at Jon for leaving you alone.”

“Jon never knew about Jay.” Billie whispered, then stopped. “Sorry, Kadie, but I should tell Jay this first. I’ve screwed up enough by not being upfront with him. I should tell him how it really was. But I’d like it if you were here, too.”

Nodding slowly, Kadie smiled. “Why don’t I go get him? I did suggest to him that he should sit down with you and Jon, but I guess he should find out the full story first, then you can all decide what to do next.”

“Thank you.” Was the whispered reply. “If he wants to see me, that is.”

“Well.” Kadie got off the chair with another smile. “If you hear squeals from the hallway, you’ll know I’m dragging him by his hair.” She headed for the door, turning with a smirk. “Or something.”

As hard as it was to believe, Billie laughed at that, and Kadie left the room, happy to see Billie looking as well as was possible in the circumstances. She’d just have to talk her way past the nursing staff’s rule about ‘one visitor per room’.


After Kadie had left him - with a stern instruction to please not attack any more inanimate objects - or rockstars - Jay awkwardly poured himself a cup of coffee with his bandaged hands and returned to the couch. In the silence, his brain churned slowly over the stunning news about his real father, and his memory played back Billie’s murmured words, when she’d believed him to be Jon.

“What the fuck?” He muttered suddenly, clenching his eyes shut as he tried to convince himself of what his memory had just told him.

Clearly, in his mind, he heard Billie’s voice, heard her say “Then he found out…..Nick found out……and he said…..he made me……but I had to let him…..I couldn’t let your kids, your wife………couldn’t let Dorothea find out that way……”

“Nick?” The sudden ache in his right hand was what told him he’d clenched a tight fist as he forced himself to think it through again, imposing control he hadn’t realised he had. “Sweet fuck…….that’s what she said……..’he found out…..Nick found out…..’. Motherfucker. It was him!”

Thankfully he’d finished his coffee, because the styrofoam cup - even for rockstars, the hospital hadn’t brought out real ones - was crushed in his left hand, and he let the fragments of white fall to the floor as he bolted to his feet.

What the hell do I do? Do I confront him myself - maybe not a good idea, because I’ll kill the bastard - or do I call the cops? Do I let mom decide? Jesus, she said she let him hurt her? For me? To protect….me? Or Jon. It was him. Protect him, or at least his family. She wanted to make sure his wife knew first…..and that fucker, he….he……

The opening of the door yanked him from his thoughts, but the expression on his face was enough to stun Kadie. She’d never before even thought the word ‘malevolent’ about somebody, but damn if that wasn’t what sprang into her mind, looking at his face. With the rage there, tightening his features and turning his blue eyes laser-bright, it was almost like looking at a stranger.

“Jay? What’s wrong?” She hesitated to approach him, not sure if he’d explode into anger, but his face shifted from rage to….well, away from the burning rage at least.

“I just remembered. When mom……when she thought I was him, she said how somebody found out about who my dad was. She said ‘Nick’, Desi. Nick fucking Fabian did this!”

“The guy from your team? The one she’d been dating?”

“Yeah. I couldn’t see why he’d do it, just because she’d ditched him, but he was fucking blackmailing her, Desi! He made her do that stuff……and she let him.”

“Not entirely, I don’t think.” Kadie said carefully. “Richie and I were talking earlier, and your mom told him that the guy - she never said who - that she let him one time, but this time she told him to get out. That was when he turned so nasty.”

“I’m going to kill him.” It was more frightening because it wasn’t a threat, or said with any heat. It was a flat-out statement of intent.

“Jay.” She whispered, not knowing what to say, but relief flooded her as the ice finally faded from his eyes, and she reached to take his hand. “Your mom wants to see you. She wants to explain, Jay.”

He looked at Kadie - his Desi - and saw the way she was looking back at him, her eyes telling him she thought this was the best thing to do. Clinging to her as the only thing he had that was truly his, clinging to his belief in her, he nodded acquiescence.

“Okay, baby. I’ll listen to her.”

Kadie heard the fraction of hesitation in his voice, and her eyes hardened.

“She doesn’t need recriminations from you right now, Jay. Will you just let her tell you how it was? Without losing your temper again?”

He sighed. Damn, she already knows me as well as mom.

“I’ll try, Desi.” A smile twisted his lips. “You can smack me if I do, ‘kay?”

“Count on it.” She moved in, kissing him tenderly before turning, their fingers twined together as they headed for the ICU floor.