Chapter 49

Billie had spent a surprisingly restful night. Well, okay, maybe it wasn’t so surprising, given the hefty dose of pain meds the nurse had hit her with after Jay and Kadie had left. This morning, though, she had to suffer the ignominy of a bed bath – the nurses relented enough to help her hobble painfully into the bathroom to answer nature’s demand, but they stayed right outside the part-open door in a compromise between dignity and hospital policy. She’d been sternly warned over the potential consequences of any kind of straining, but relief was all she felt as she was at least able – and permitted – to pee unaided.

Doctor Riviello stopped in to see her, vastly relieved to find her already apparently on the road to recovery, and now that she was lucid once more he made the time to sit with her to explain in detail the extent of damage she’d sustained, and also the measures they’d taken to repair what had been done. After telling her carefully that he had no real reason to expect any lasting problems – once her body had healed – he hesitated a moment before telling her that he had, as his usual practice, collected a rape kit, so if she did want to press charges on her attacker – assuming she knew who.....

“Damned right I want to press charges.” Billie interrupted, then paused, unsure of the usual procedures. “But I need to make sure a few....things.....are okay first. Would the police go see him straight away, or.....?”

“They always take into account the wishes of the person who’s bringing charges.” He replied, carefully avoiding use of the word ‘victim’. “So if you asked them to wait a day or so, I’m sure they would.”

“Okay.” Billie swallowed hard at the thought of having to tell the story, but she wanted to see Nick made to answer for what he’d done to her. Okay, not entirely accurate. She wanted to see him tied down, castrated slowly and then left to bleed. Maybe while receiving the same kind of treatment he’d given her. But made to answer in the courts would have to do. She did, though, want to make sure Jon’s family were aware of Jay, and prepared for the news before it hit the media – and even without the connection to Jon being known yet, the fact of her son being a rising star on the Soul roster pretty much guaranteed media interest. And, of course, when Nick was picked up, Billie knew very well he’d not stay quiet.

“Okay.” She said again. “In that case, can you do......whatever it is you need to do to have the police come see me?”

“Of course.” He replied instantly, actually relieved that she was going to bring charges, since he’d patched up too many women – and a few men – who’d been assaulted, only to have them refuse to bring charges. The male patients were particularly reluctant to even admit they’d been raped. “I’ll make a call, and they’ll probably be out later today, while your memory is still fresh.”

“Thank you, Doctor Riviello.” Billie said sincerely, and he smiled, laying his hand over hers.

“It’s why I’m here, Billie. I hate that we had to meet this way, but I’m glad you’re going to make the bastard pay.” He looked at her seriously. “You know he nearly killed you, don’t you? If your friend hadn’t stopped by to see you.....”

“I know.” She whispered. “I remember Richie holding me, then everything faded away. Next I knew, I was here.”

“Well, as I told you, your heart stopped a few times, just from the blood loss. You probably owe him your life.” Riviello smiled. “And, from what I heard from the paramedics, he even made a half-decent nursing assistant on the way here.”

“I owe him a lot.” Billie agreed, then their quiet conversation was interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Yes?” Riviello called, not unduly bothered by the interruption, since the delicate portion of their conversation was over.

The door opened, then a massive bouquet of flowers entered. Billie assumed somebody was carrying them, but all she could see was the riotously colored blooms.

“I got flowers here for Ms Billie Kelsall?” Came a male voice from behind the bouquet.

“Wow.” Riviello murmured, hoping that they weren’t some kind of peace offering from Billie’s attacker.

“Uh, yeah.” Billie muttered, wondering who in the hell would send her such an enormous amount of flowers. Jay, she was sure, would bring flowers, not have them delivered. So who? Richie? Jon?

The delivery guy hesitated, then laid them on a table over by the wall, out of the way but still in full view of the patient. Practised in delivering to the hospital, he plucked the small card from the flowers and brought it to the bed, handing it to Billie.

“Thanks.” She said, opening the envelope carefully.

The little card – no doubt written by someone in the flower shop – said ‘To Billie. We heard you had an accident and hope you feel better real soon. And when you do, get down here to Wachovia so we can give you another group hug. Love from the Philadelphia Soul.’

“That’s so sweet.” She murmured, then caught the doctor’s questioning glance and offered him the card to read. “They’re from my son’s football team.”

In the early afternoon, after a hospital meal that was best forgotten, Billie was flipping through a magazine when the room door opened. When she raised her head, she smiled at Kadie as she walked in carrying a bag of cookies.

“You’re an angel.” She grinned as the younger woman raised her other hand to show the oversized takeout cup from a coffee shop down the street.

“I figured you could probably use some decent coffee.” Kadie smiled, her professional side reassured by Billie’s appearance. “You look much better!”

“I feel much better.” Billie agreed, taking the offered cup and having a long sip before looking at Kadie in confusion. “Okay, how did you know how I like my coffee?”

“I called Jay from the coffee shop. He’s just in town, then he’s coming to visit. I’d just left work and figured I’d stop in on my way.”

“And how was work?” Billie asked, not only to make conversation, but genuinely interested. It had occurred to her earlier that this girl knew most of the secrets and sins of her life, yet Billie knew very little of Kadie’s. Also, there were shadows in the younger woman’s eyes today. Shadows that weren’t there last night.

“Work was.....” Kadie looked at Billie, seeing the patient expression, and she sighed heavily. “Work was hard. I lost one of my patients this morning. I mean, he was elderly, and he wasn’t really expected to make it, but even so.....”

“I certainly couldn’t do your job.” Billie smiled, then sought to distract Kadie from her melancholy, pointing toward the table. “Look what the guys from Jay’s team sent me.”

“Those are gorgeous.” Kadie walked over to take a closer look, then came back to the bedside, sitting down in the chair. “Guess that’s why Mike called last night.” At Billie’s questioning frown, she explained a little further. “Mike Brown? He called Jay last night just after we went to bed, to ask what room you were in.”

“How did he know I was in here?” God, surely Nick hasn’t been bragging about this. Surely he wouldn’t?

“Jay told him. Well, told him you’d been hurt – I’m not sure exactly what he told him happened.”

“Oh.” Billie murmured, popping the lid off her coffee to drink from it more easily.

Kadie got to her feet again. “Okay if I use your bathroom a minute?” She asked, gesturing at the scrubs she still wore. “I was running a little late, and wanted to be here to see Jay. Oh, and you, of course!” She added hastily, but Billie just grinned at her.

“I’m glad you have your priorities straight.” She told Kadie. “Seriously. So go freshen up before he gets here!”

Smiling, relieved that Billie wasn’t one of those mothers who resented any woman in their son’s life just on principle, Kadie headed into the bathroom. She couldn’t do much about her outfit, but she could at least fix her hair from the tight ponytail into something a little bit more inviting. But, first things first. She really needed to pee!

Billie took another sip of coffee before laying her head back, gathering her strength for the next visit from the son she’d betrayed for so long. The soft sound of the door opening roused her, and she lifted her head with an automatic smile that faded as soon as she saw it wasn’t Jay in the doorway.

It was Nick.

Chapter 48

Kadie was just finishing up with yet more gauze and tape when she caught a glimpse of Jay’s watch and swore softly.

“What’s wrong, babe?”

“Nothing. I just…….I need to go, Jay. I’m working a weird early shift tomorrow - I start at three o’clock.”

“In the morning?”

“Uh-huh. I need to get some sleep.”

“Well, okay, but I……..”

“Jay, why don’t you go home, too.” Billie interrupted. “I’m tired, and you must be, too. Go home, get some rest.”

“But…….”

“I’m fine, Jay. Honestly. Well, okay, I’m not fine, but I’m okay right now. Go get some rest.”

“If you’re sure.” He said dubiously, and Billie nodded firmly.

“I’m sure. Scat!” She smirked at the young couple. “And I said rest, so try to get at least some sleep, please!”

“Mom!” Jay blushed, and Billie chuckled, the laugh fading to another groan of pain, but she waved off his obvious concern.

“I’m fine!”

“Okay, okay.” Jay grinned, getting to his feet again.

Cautious of the newly applied bandages, he hugged Billie, then Kadie did the same before they headed for the door. Before they left, Jay looked back at his mom for a long moment, then he just smiled silently and let Kadie lead him from the room. When the door closed, Billie gave a shuddering moan of pain, finally letting herself admit to the agony now that he was gone. Part of her couldn’t help but feel that she deserved this somehow. Okay, didn’t deserve to have been violated in such a brutal way, but deserved some pain for the lies she’d told her only child for so long. As the pain blossomed into an all-over ache, she gave in, reaching to the call button to have a nurse bring her more pain meds.


A few hours later, as evening turned to night, Mike strolled into Cuba Libre, the current favorite nightspot of the team, finding his buddies - minus Jay, of course - already ensconced happily in a raucous corner. He was greeted with the usual kind of friendly abuse a guy had to expect, especially when he was running late, and there were the usual teases about which woman had kept him from the party so long. Before he arrived, he’d pretty much decided to keep quiet about Jay’s mom, since it - she - wasn’t really his problem. Of course, though, he’d only just settled his butt onto a chair when Kenny Henderson looked across with a frown.

“Hey, where’s your kid brother?” He asked, teasing Mike for the way he’d taken Jay under his wing since his arrival.

“He’s, uhh…….” Mike shrugged. “He’s up at TJU - his mom’s in hospital there.”

“Really? Shit!” Kenny turned instantly serious, lowering his beer. “Is she okay? What happened?”

“She……” Quickly, Mike got off his stool, walking across rather than yell it across. “She was attacked last night. She was pretty bad, but they think she should be okay. She’s out of surgery anyway.”

“Shit.” Kenny said again, at a loss for anything more profound to say, then he surprised Mike when he slammed his beer bottle repeatedly on the table until the rest of the guys were looking in his direction.

“What?!” Mabry yelled in annoyance.

“Shut the fuck up!” Kenny said, eloquent as ever. “Listen, assholes - Jay’s mom’s been…..” He glanced at Mike, seeing the tiny frown. “Been hurt, and she’s up in hospital. Right here and now, I want twenty bucks out of each of you, to send her some flowers.”

“Kenny!” Mike protested.

“What?” The big guy shrugged with a sheepish grin. “I liked her, Mike. Least we can do, right?”

And it seemed a common sentiment, as each of the guys instantly handed over twenty bucks, the bills making their way across to Kenny’s outstretched hand. He did a quick head-count, then grabbed his phone, dialling a florist and giving his card details. When the florist asked for the hospital room number, though, he frowned at Mike, who shrugged.

“Dunno. Lemme call Jay.”

The call was quickly made, answered and ended, Jay asking Mike to pass on his gratitude for the guys’ concern, and Mike turned back to Kenny.

“Room four twenty three.” He lowered his voice. “That’s the fucking ICU floor.”

Neither of them noticed Nick loitering close by as Mike relayed the number to the florist.


After dragging a somewhat dazed Jon from the waiting room, Richie had led the way outside, raising a hand to summon one of the few cabs waiting nearby. Half shoving Jon into the backseat, he’d climbed in and given the driver his address, ignoring the surprised look on the guy’s face as he obviously recognised them. Hell, particularly when they were together, they were pretty hard to miss!

Fortunately, Jon remained locked in his own thoughts during the ride, only rousing himself when the driver stopped and read off the fare. A swift glance around told Jon where they were, and he followed Richie inside, his brain still numb enough that even the elevator ride to the penthouse apartment didn’t bother him.

Inside Richie’s apartment, Jon paced silently, his brain racing so fast Richie could practically hear it. And he’d a pretty good idea that Jon wasn’t coming up with many answers right now. Sighing, glad his alcohol ‘issues’ were far enough behind him that he didn’t feel the need to keep his home ‘dry’, Richie opened the liquor cabinet, pouring a three finger jolt of whisky.

“Here.” He held out the glass. “Drink this and sit the fuck down before you wear a hole right through my floor.”

Jon threw him a deadly glare, but Richie had known him long enough to just sneer back, flipping Jon off without another word before going to the kitchen to make himself some coffee.

When he returned to the living room, Jon was on the couch, staring into the glass, but his expression was now merely thoughtful.

“What did you tell Dot when you came up here?” Richie slurped coffee, and at the question Jon’s head snapped up.

“Shit! I didn’t tell her anything. She was asleep when I left.” Jon looked at his watch. He’d been gone most of the day. “Shit!”

“Call her.” Richie said flatly.

“Yeah.” Jon was already reaching for his phone, dialling fast, and when he heard the panicked note in Dot’s voice he cursed himself anew. “S’me, Dot.”

“Jon?! Oh thank God! Where are you? What happened?”

“Long story, darlin’. I’m fine – I’m at Richie’s place.”

“Richie’s......? What happened?” Jon could hear the frown in her voice. “Is he okay?”

“He’s fine.” Jon replied. Sweet hell, but what should he tell her? He’d a pretty good idea that the truth wasn’t the best idea. Not, at least, over the phone. “I just came up here to see him – he called after you went to bed last night.” So far, so good. It wasn’t technically a lie. Why does it matter? He asked himself. Not like we’re trying to stay together any more. Dot has her new man, and we’re getting divorced. What could telling the truth do?

But even as he debated with himself, Jon knew he wouldn’t tell her. She was pissed enough over Jay – who knew how she’d take the news that he’d run to the bedside of his first son’s mother?

“You could have at least left a note, or called sooner.” There was a shrewish note to her voice that grated on Jon’s ears, and he rolled his eyes at Richie as he placated her.

“Sorry, Dot. I didn’t think. I’ll probably stay up here with Rich tonight – I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She gave a long-suffering sigh, but then said okay, she’d see him when he got back. Jon snapped his phone shut and closed his eyes.

“What the fuck am I gonna do, Rich?” He asked softly.

Chapter 47

Slumped outside of Billie’s hospital room, Jay had both hands knotted into his hair, tightening his grip deliberately, using the pain to anchor him. What he wanted to do right now was leave. Leave the hospital and go straight to Wachovia, to look for Nick. To look for Nick and then, when he found him, to beat him to within an inch of his worthless life before handing him over to the cops.

He felt his cellphone buzz in his pocket, the silent alert telling him it was a text message, and when he pulled it from his pocket he saw the message was from Mike, his closest friend on the team. His closest friend in the city, really. As he slid the phone open to call his buddy, a nurse walked by and frowned at him.

“Sir, you can’t use cellphones in here. It affects the equipment.”

Jay sighed, but closed the phone. Somehow, knowing that a lot of that ‘equipment’ was currently hooked up to his mom made the warning more important to him. Sighing again, he got to his feet, looking for an exit. Something told him Desi could be in there with his mom for a while.

“Could you let my mom know I’m just outside?” He asked diffidently, nodding toward the closed door. “Billie Kelsall. My…….my girlfriend’s in with her right now.”

“Of course, Mr Kelsall.” The nurse was mollified by his instant acceptance of the rule. Well, that and the fact she was no more armored against his handsome face and crooked little-boy smile than any other woman.

Giving her a flash of a half-strength smile, Jay headed for the nearest exit, taking the stairs to ground level, then following the exit signs until he found himself outside.

He drew a deep breath of the fresh air, realising he hadn’t been outside since getting back from his apartment hours ago, then he found a quiet corner away from traffic and leaned back against the wall, pulling his phone out again.

The bandages on his hands fortunately left his fingers fairly free, and he read Mike’s brief message - basically a ‘call me’ - then hit the speed-dial for his friend, waiting while it connected.

“Jay? Where you been?” Came the answering voice, and Jay exhaled sharply, holding that same iron control as he rested his head back on the wall, closing his eyes.

“Hey Mike. I’m up at Thomas Jefferson. Been here since last night I guess.”

“What the fuck? What happened now? Can’t you stay out of trouble?”

“Not me, Mike.” Jay heard the quaver in his voice and steadied himself, hoping his friend hadn’t caught it. “My mom.”

“Aw, shit, I’m sorry Jay. What happened? She okay?”

In his living room, Mike hunched forward on the couch, his original intention of asking Jay if he wanted to join the rest of the team for a boys’ night out forgotten in the wake of this news.

“She…….she was assaulted last night. In her hotel room.” Please, please don’t ask me for details. I can’t say it. I can’t tell you this right now.

“Assaulted?” Mike said carefully, his tone saying he understood the euphemism.

“Yeah. She…..shit. I almost lost her, Mike. She was in surgery for a few hours, but the doctor reckons she should be okay. Mostly okay. Depends if there’s any complications from the….uhh….from what happened.”

“I get ya.” He didn’t make Jay explain any further. “I’ll let you get back to her, buddy. Tell her…..tell her I’m thinking of her, okay? Of you both. You need anything, you call me. Anything.”

“Yeah.” Jay muttered bitterly. “When I get my hands on the fucker, you can hold him down for me.”

“Glad to.” Mike said without hesitation, meaning it.

“I’ll talk to you later, Mike.” Jay could feel his control slipping again, the mental image of Nick in pain, bleeding and broken filling his head until he could feel the red fuzz of rage blurring his thoughts.

“Bye, buddy.” Mike replied, ending the call.

“Yeah.” Jay echoed into the empty line, his hand clenching around the phone until the pain finally worked it’s way into his brain, steadying him from the anger again. Seemed that it was the only thing he could do right now - either use Desi’s…….love?......as an anchor, or use pain to hold himself together.

Turning around, he punched his fists against the rough brick of the wall. Not with excessive force, but just enough to rekindle the earlier pain, flushing the rage from his mind. When his head cleared, he looked down and grimaced at the fresh blood on both bandages.

“Desi’ll kick my ass.” He muttered to himself, leaning his forehead on the brick for a moment before drawing himself upright and heading back inside.


In the hospital room, Billie’s racking sobs had finally subsided into soft weeping, then into silence broken only by the occasional soft hiccup of a sob. Kadie was sitting on the bed with her, holding the hand that wasn’t attached to a machine, stroking her fingers gently back and forth, soothing without words. Finally, Billie pulled herself out of the anguish, forcing it away through pure strength, the anger beginning to build in her again. She clung to it. Clung to the anger as a defense against the heartbreak of what had been done to her.

“Thanks, Kadie.” She said huskily, freeing her hand long enough to wipe ineffectually at her reddened eyes.

“No problem at all.” The younger woman replied, reaching out to grab a box of tissues, offering it to Billie. “Here you go.”

With a wan smile, Billie took a handful of soft tissue, blotting her eyes dry then blowing her nose, trying to regain her composure.

“I don’t usually cry.” She said lamely.

“Hey! You’re entitled.” Kadie said firmly. “I’d be far more worried if you didn’t cry, if you bottled it all up inside like……”

“Like Jay’s doing?” Billie knew her son too well. Hell, he got that from her.

“He was. I convinced him that he needs to keep himself together around you right now, but he can let go when he’s with me. He’s okay.”

“How much does he know?” Billie asked, nodding down toward her own body. “About what happened, I mean.”

“Uhhh…….I……”

“Please, Kadie. Just tell me.”

“He knows what was done to you. I found out, and I told him. I thought he should know, because they weren’t sure they could save you, Billie. You were very very sick for a while there.”

“Shit.” She turned her head away for a moment, embarrassed to have it confirmed that her son knew just how she’d been assaulted.

“Not your fault!” Kadie snapped. “He knows why it happened, too, Billie. He knows you were being….blackmailed…..over his father.”

Billie laid her head back on the pillow, but Kadie wasn’t finished.

“He knows……who did it, Billie.”

“He what?!” Billie’s head snapped up. “How the hell does he know that?”

“You told me, mom.” Came Jay’s voice from over at the door.

Both women looked over in surprise - he’d opened the door so silently that neither of them had been aware of his presence, and they had no clue how long he’d been there. Not that it really mattered.

“I told you?”

“Uh-huh. When you thought I was……Jon. You were rambling, and you said how ‘he’ - Nick - had found out about me, about my father, and how he made you……. It was Nick Fabian, right, mom?”

Her eyes filling with tears again, Billie nodded silently, then something told her she had to say it, to purge it from her soul by admitting it. Admitting it to herself, mostly.

“Yes. Nick Fabian was the one who……who raped and assaulted me……”

“What are we going to do about him?” Jay asked, closing the door and approaching the bed. Hell, if his mom said hunt him down and castrate him, Jay was up for that.

“I……..” Billie looked at him pleadingly. “I don’t know right now, Jay. I think I - we - need to talk with Jon first.”

“You’re still going to fucking protect him?!”

“No! That’s not what I meant, Jay.” Billie’s anger slipped through, and for once Jay was actually glad to see it - angry was good right now. “I still don’t want to destroy his family any more than he seems hell-bent on doing himself. I just think we need to give him a chance to speak to his children before this hits the media. And I’m including you in that, Jay. I want you two to talk. Like adults. Without any more punches being thrown.”

As she said that, Billie looked down at Jay’s hands, and when she gasped Kadie’s eyes followed hers, seeing the blood soaked through the dressings.

“Dammit, Jay!” Kadie snapped, getting off the bed. “Sit down and stay there. I’ll get fresh dressings.”

Billie had to chuckle when her chastened son obediently sat by the bed, watching as his personal nurse left the room. Unfortunately, though, even the soft chuckle jarred her battered body, and she couldn’t quite stifle a whimper of pain, clenching her eyes shut to ride it out. When she opened them again, Jay was staring up at her, sadness in his eyes, then he got to his feet and leaned over the bed, hugging her carefully.

“I love you, mom.”

Chapter 46

Walking with Kadie through the overly-bright hallways of the hospital, Jay experienced a sudden shock at his own unaccustomed iron control. It wasn’t like he was an overly emotional person anyway, never one to wear his heart on his sleeve, but the way he’d been able to clamp down on his rage, to lock it away deep inside surprised him. It was still there, of course it was. Rage, hatred, disgust mixed with confusion, creating a maelstrom of emotions, yet they had all been suppressed in moments, controlled and hidden, because right now he needed to be calm. Outwardly at least, he needed to be calm. It was almost frightening, yet the only manifestation of the tumult of feelings was the swelling ache in his head as he walked in silence.

At least, he thought that was the only sign, until Kadie stopped suddenly, turning to face him, cupping her free hand around his cheek. Her eyes searched his face for a moment, then she moved closer, wrapping her arms around him.

“Breathe, Jay.” She murmured, neither knowing nor caring if anyone else was around as she strove to soothe him. “C’mon, baby. Calm down.”

“I’m okay.” He lied automatically. And pointlessly.

“Sure you are. That’s why your hand was damned near vibrating, Jay.” Kadie replied, rubbing her palms on his back. “You need to hold it together with your mom, babe, but not with me. If you try too much, you’ll end up exploding, when you least want to, and, well……these walls are kinda harder than downstairs…….”

Jay made no response, and Kadie drew back to look at him, seeing the internal battle clearly on his face, his eyes flashing with suppressed anger as he tried to hold it all in. She’d seen enough relatives of patients try the same damned thing to know that it was never a good thing, and with all the other attendant shit Jay had to deal with, the last thing he needed was to lose his temper at the wrong time. Or at the wrong person.

“Just for a minute.” Kadie murmured. “Let it go, Jay. Trust me, you need to. Just a minute is all.”

With a gusty sigh, he wrapped his arms tightly around her, pulling her into him, burying his face against her neck as he cursed bitterly, fighting to keep his voice pitched low. Kadie backed up to the wall, holding him as tightly as she could as he poured out some of the rage, not even giving a murmur of protest as his grip tightened enough to hurt, compressing her ribs painfully.

“I swear to Christ, I’m going to see him pay for this.” He finally groaned, raising his head.

Kadie got only the briefest glimpse of his face, streaked with the marks of angry tears, before Jay crushed his mouth onto hers, drawing strength from her, using passion to drive away the pain, desperately searching for that special connection to hold him from the insanity of rage.

She understood, kissing him back just as fervently, knowing he needed to know she felt it, too, needed to know she was there with him. And, she realised suddenly, she was. Heart and soul, with every fiber of her being, she was with him. Forever.

When they eased themselves apart, Jay was calmer. Sure, of course, rage still filled him, with all the other stuff mixed into it, but he felt…….centered, somehow. Felt like he could do this now. Now that he knew his Desi………he looked at her, opened his mouth, but her fingers silenced him.

“I love you, too.” She murmured before he could say it, and Jay grinned - the first real smile since that horrifying phone call from Jon.

“Let’s go see mom.” He said softly, kissing the fingertips that still rested on his lips, wanting to lose himself in her arms again, but knowing some other things had to be faced first.


Billie’s head snapped up as the door opened, and she felt those damned tears leak free again when Jay walked in, followed closely by Kadie. She bit down on the flood of explanations that rose to her lips, saying simply the one thing she most needed to tell him.

“I’m sorry, Jay. I should have told you the truth.”

His reply shocked her.

“What difference would it have made, mom?” He said softly, feeling the approving squeeze of Kadie’s hand. “Really? You still wouldn’t have told him, would you?”

“No.” She whispered. “I never knew it at the time, but when I found out he was married…….. No, I never meant for him to find out. You were………..you were mine, Jay. You were all I had, and I wanted to keep you to myself. I know it was selfish, but…..”

Jay exhaled slowly, moving toward the bed, resting his free hand on the back of the chair as he looked at his mom.

“Should I leave you two alone?” Kadie asked hesitantly, but they both shook their heads instantly.

“Want you to stay.” Jay murmured, and Billie looked at Kadie.

“I’d like you to stay, too.” She said quietly, seeing the connection between the two young people like only a mother could. “You’re family, Kadie. You have as much right to hear this.”

Both Jay and Kadie looked startled by her words, and Billie had to smile.

“I’m drugged, not blind.” She told them. “And I’m happy for you both.”

Blushing, Kadie pulled free of Jay, crossing to the wall to grab another chair, bringing it to the bedside. They both sat down, facing Billie, who shifted slightly, wincing at the movement.

Slowly, her voice soft and low, Billie told them how she and Jon had met, glossing over the more lurid details of their time together. Hell, she wouldn’t want Jay telling her every detail of losing his innocence to Kadie, and she was damned sure he wouldn’t want to hear his mom talk of fucking out in the wilderness, or on the kitchen table, screaming like a banshee as she came repeatedly under the skilful loving of his father. Some things a son really didn’t need - or want - to hear from his mom.

She told them of her trepidation when Jay gleefully told her he’d secured a spot in the Philadelphia Soul tryouts, and her near panic when he called to say he’d been accepted. Even then, though, she was sure her secret was safe, until she was sitting by his bedside in the hospital and turned around to see Richie Sambora staring at her. How her final prayers of keeping the secret were crushed beyond hope of recovery when he called her by name.

“How did he know?” Jay interrupted, but it was a simple question, not any kind of accusation.

“Jon told him. He realised, the day you tried out for the team, who you were.” Billie gave a tiny smile. “You gave him a photo to sign, remember? He remembered the day it was taken. Then when you got hurt, I guess he blurted it out to Richie.”

Jay was restless, and with nothing close by to occupy his hands, he did the next best thing, getting to his feet to pace around the room. Okay, so he accepted his mom’s explanation, for now at least, but that still left the more current situation to be dealt with.

“The guy who…..hurt you…..” He said carefully, his hands thrust deep in the pockets of his jeans as he stared at the floor. “What are you going to do about him?”

“I………” Billie hesitated. There was something about Jay’s posture said he knew more than she realised, and she flushed with embarrassment as she realised, as her next of kin, Jay would have been given the whole story of her injuries and how they’d occurred. “I……….”

“Billie, it’s okay.” Kadie said gently, getting off her chair and moving closer, taking Billie’s hand as tears trickled down the woman’s face. “It’s not your fault, Billie.”

“But, I…….I le……let him……..” Whether it was the emotional turmoil of telling Jay about the past, or the effect of the pain drugs, Billie couldn’t hold herself together, the shakes starting at her hand but quickly making her shudder violently as images of the assault flashed back at her.

“Mom!” Jay started toward the bed, only to be stopped by Kadie’s glare.

“Jay, go.” She snapped.

“But…”

“Get out!” Kadie told him firmly. “Please, Jay. You don’t need to be here right now. Wait outside.” She turned her attention away from him. “S’okay, Billie. Shhhh.”

Shocked at seeing his mom - the strongest woman he knew - suddenly breaking down, losing control like that, was enough to make Jay obey the command in Kadie’s tone, and he left the room on unsteady legs, making it as far as the first chair outside before collapsing into it, his head in his hands.

“I…….I……..I let him……oh, God…….he……….he…..”

Billie’s voice faded into incoherent sobs, and Kadie did the only thing she could. She leaned over the bed, wrapping her arms around Billie, and let her cry.

Chapter 45

Billie’s head fell back onto the pillow, the pain of what - who - she was seeing unbelievably intense. Her eyes were closed, tears squeezing from under her lashes, but she heard the door close, then the soft footsteps, and she forced herself to look up.

“He hates me.” She whispered sadly, her heart breaking.

“No.” Kadie said gently, taking Billie’s hand, gazing into her eyes. “He doesn’t. He just……he just needs a little time, Billie, and I said I’d come up, give him a chance to get things straight in his head.”

“He doesn’t hate me?” There was an almost pathetic amount of hope in her voice, the pain - and the painkillers - breaking her usual barriers.

“No, he doesn’t. I don’t think he really knows it right now, but he will, Billie.” Her fingers tightened on the other woman’s hand. “If I have to beat it into him, he’ll get it.”

At that, Billie managed a tiny smile. God, I like this girl.

“Can you help me sit up?” She asked, hating to need help, but well warned by the nurses of the potential consequences of another jerking movement.

“Sure.” Professional skill took over, and Kadie gently moved Billie into a half-sitting position, then Billie smiled at her, the drugs finally smoothing away the pain.

“Would you……….” She flushed. “Sorry. I know you’ll want to get back to Jay.”

“I can stay awhile.” Kadie accurately guessed Billie had been about to ask her to stay, and she moved the chair a little closer, curling onto the hard seat.

“Thanks.” Billie said sincerely. “Is Jay okay?” She frowned suddenly as a memory hit. “His hands were bandaged! What happened?”

“He has a temper.” Kadie smiled. “He took it out on the waiting room wall. Lucky for him it was sheetrock, not brick.”

“Damned temper. Usually he can hold it down, but just sometimes, when it breaks loose……well, like fa……” She cut herself off.

“It’s okay, Billie. Really. I know, about his……father. I kinda knew before he did.”

“How?!”

“It was one of those ‘eureka’ moments.” She smiled wryly, remembering how her thoughts had slammed to a halt, ramming into each other like cars on a freeway. “I’d been out of the room, and when I opened the door they were sitting together on the couch, and the way they looked up, same hair, same eyes, same expression…….”

“…..and both fidgeting with something in their hands?” Billie asked, and Kadie giggled.

“Uh-huh. I can’t believe nobody’s seen it before. Can’t believe I didn’t see it before!”

“You wouldn’t, because you’d no reason to suspect it. Anyway, I…….shiiiit.” Billie arched her back as a sudden pain knifed through her, gasping her way through it as Kadie watched and waited for the spasm to pass.

“Okay?” She asked as Billie relaxed.

“Uh…yeah. Thanks.” Her heart fluttered as the pain eased again. “How bad are his hands?”

Kadie shrugged. “Nothing major. No broken bones, anyway. Cuts and bruises mainly, though he did open up the cuts again when he…….ummm…….when he hit Jon.”

“He what?! He hit him? Why?”

“Because his automatic assumption right now is that he’s the result - possibly unwanted - of a less than romantic backstage encounter…….but he got mad at Jon for leaving you alone.”

“Jon never knew about Jay.” Billie whispered, then stopped. “Sorry, Kadie, but I should tell Jay this first. I’ve screwed up enough by not being upfront with him. I should tell him how it really was. But I’d like it if you were here, too.”

Nodding slowly, Kadie smiled. “Why don’t I go get him? I did suggest to him that he should sit down with you and Jon, but I guess he should find out the full story first, then you can all decide what to do next.”

“Thank you.” Was the whispered reply. “If he wants to see me, that is.”

“Well.” Kadie got off the chair with another smile. “If you hear squeals from the hallway, you’ll know I’m dragging him by his hair.” She headed for the door, turning with a smirk. “Or something.”

As hard as it was to believe, Billie laughed at that, and Kadie left the room, happy to see Billie looking as well as was possible in the circumstances. She’d just have to talk her way past the nursing staff’s rule about ‘one visitor per room’.


After Kadie had left him - with a stern instruction to please not attack any more inanimate objects - or rockstars - Jay awkwardly poured himself a cup of coffee with his bandaged hands and returned to the couch. In the silence, his brain churned slowly over the stunning news about his real father, and his memory played back Billie’s murmured words, when she’d believed him to be Jon.

“What the fuck?” He muttered suddenly, clenching his eyes shut as he tried to convince himself of what his memory had just told him.

Clearly, in his mind, he heard Billie’s voice, heard her say “Then he found out…..Nick found out……and he said…..he made me……but I had to let him…..I couldn’t let your kids, your wife………couldn’t let Dorothea find out that way……”

“Nick?” The sudden ache in his right hand was what told him he’d clenched a tight fist as he forced himself to think it through again, imposing control he hadn’t realised he had. “Sweet fuck…….that’s what she said……..’he found out…..Nick found out…..’. Motherfucker. It was him!”

Thankfully he’d finished his coffee, because the styrofoam cup - even for rockstars, the hospital hadn’t brought out real ones - was crushed in his left hand, and he let the fragments of white fall to the floor as he bolted to his feet.

What the hell do I do? Do I confront him myself - maybe not a good idea, because I’ll kill the bastard - or do I call the cops? Do I let mom decide? Jesus, she said she let him hurt her? For me? To protect….me? Or Jon. It was him. Protect him, or at least his family. She wanted to make sure his wife knew first…..and that fucker, he….he……

The opening of the door yanked him from his thoughts, but the expression on his face was enough to stun Kadie. She’d never before even thought the word ‘malevolent’ about somebody, but damn if that wasn’t what sprang into her mind, looking at his face. With the rage there, tightening his features and turning his blue eyes laser-bright, it was almost like looking at a stranger.

“Jay? What’s wrong?” She hesitated to approach him, not sure if he’d explode into anger, but his face shifted from rage to….well, away from the burning rage at least.

“I just remembered. When mom……when she thought I was him, she said how somebody found out about who my dad was. She said ‘Nick’, Desi. Nick fucking Fabian did this!”

“The guy from your team? The one she’d been dating?”

“Yeah. I couldn’t see why he’d do it, just because she’d ditched him, but he was fucking blackmailing her, Desi! He made her do that stuff……and she let him.”

“Not entirely, I don’t think.” Kadie said carefully. “Richie and I were talking earlier, and your mom told him that the guy - she never said who - that she let him one time, but this time she told him to get out. That was when he turned so nasty.”

“I’m going to kill him.” It was more frightening because it wasn’t a threat, or said with any heat. It was a flat-out statement of intent.

“Jay.” She whispered, not knowing what to say, but relief flooded her as the ice finally faded from his eyes, and she reached to take his hand. “Your mom wants to see you. She wants to explain, Jay.”

He looked at Kadie - his Desi - and saw the way she was looking back at him, her eyes telling him she thought this was the best thing to do. Clinging to her as the only thing he had that was truly his, clinging to his belief in her, he nodded acquiescence.

“Okay, baby. I’ll listen to her.”

Kadie heard the fraction of hesitation in his voice, and her eyes hardened.

“She doesn’t need recriminations from you right now, Jay. Will you just let her tell you how it was? Without losing your temper again?”

He sighed. Damn, she already knows me as well as mom.

“I’ll try, Desi.” A smile twisted his lips. “You can smack me if I do, ‘kay?”

“Count on it.” She moved in, kissing him tenderly before turning, their fingers twined together as they headed for the ICU floor.

Chapter 44

“But……..” As all Jon could spit out, his eyes flicking instantly to Kadie, jumping to the very wrong conclusion, his instant reaction that Richie had been wrong, that she’d told him.

Fortunately, though, before he could say anything else, Richie spoke.

“Billie’s awake.” He said firmly, and Kadie nodded at him, wide-eyed with worry as she looked at Jon’s shocked face.

Please, please let him have the sense to say nothing about me knowing. Please don’t let him destroy what Jay and I have started.

“She’s awake?” Jon echoed, and Jay practically snarled at him.

“What? So now you care?”

“Jay.” Kadie said softly from behind him, but he shook his head angrily, advancing on Jon.

“Well?!”

“Well what?” Jon’s mind was reeling. Sure, since he and Billie had reached their agreement to tell their respective families - and their mutual ‘family’ - about Jay, he’d often mused about hearing his eldest son call him ‘dad’, but he’d never imagined hearing it with the utter venom Jay had used.

“Well what?” Jay repeated, his fists clenching angrily. At first he’d been mad at his mom, and he still was, partly, but she wasn’t here - Jon was - so he made a far better target for the anger. “How many other bastard children do you have, boss? How many other groupies did you knock up, back in the day?”

“It wasn’t like that!” Jon protested, unconsciously echoing Billie’s own words. “She…..your mom and I……it was special.” He finished lamely, knowing he deserved the derisive snort from Jay.

“Special? Why? Because she was extra-good, or because she was dumb enough to not insist on protection?”

“That’s not fucking fair, and you know it!” Jon snapped, his own temper rising. “You don’t know how it was.”

“So why don’t you explain it to me?” Jay sneered.

Jon looked at him, then shook his head slowly.

“No. This isn’t the time or the place, Jay. Right now, the important thing is your mom.”

“Right now? She’s always been the important thing, you asshole!” Jay snapped, worry over his mom, and a nagging feeling that she’d let slip something else important gnawing at his brain. “How the fuck could you leave her alone like that?!” He half-yelled, then before either Kadie or Richie could stop him, he swung a punch at Jon’s face.

Luckily, Jon saw it coming a split-second before it connected, and he was able to roll with the momentum, minimising the impact of the blow, but still it rattled his teeth together painfully, throwing a starburst of color into his brain.

“Jay!” Kadie yelled, grabbing his arm, pulling him backward, and as he turned to her she saw the tears in his eyes.

Richie had grabbed hold of Jon’s shirt, holding him upright - more or less - and Kadie pulled Jay into her arms.

“Richie, take him out of here. Please!” Kadie begged, and without a hesitation Richie nodded.

“Here.” He held out a card with his number printed on it. No name, nothing but the number. “Let me know what’s happening.”

“None of his fucking business.” Jay snarled.

“I said me, Jay.” Richie snapped back. “Your mom’s a friend, even though we only just met. I want to know she’s okay.”

“I’ll call you, Richie.” Kadie promised, pocketing the card and nodding to the door.

With no little difficulty, Richie pushed a reluctant Jon from the room, hissing into his ear when Jon made to protest.

“Just get the fuck out of here, Kidd. He needs time.”

“What about what I need?”

“Right now? I don’t give a fuck.” Richie replied. “This isn’t about you.”

As the door closed behind the two men, Kadie got Jay down onto the couch, only now realising he was cradling his right hand against his belly again. When she pulled his hand away, she saw the bright blood on the dressings she’d applied earlier, and she sighed.

“Dammit, Jay.”

“What?” His eyes were dull, confused as a beaten puppy.

“Look!” She lifted his hand.

“Oh. Doesn’t hurt.”

Kadie sighed again. She knew it did hurt - it would hurt - but right now his attentions were focused so much on the sudden revelation that all he could feel was lost. Almost everything he’d known his entire life - his assumed paternity - had been snatched from him, leaving him with a gaping hole where he thought his father had stood. Didn’t matter, right now, that there was a real, live, flesh and blood father clearly willing - almost desperate - to acknowledge him, because all Jay saw was betrayal.

Another thought intruded on his brain, and it shocked him. Could he even stay with the team now? With his father as one of the majority owners, would he be allowed to stay? Hell, would he want to stay? Would the other guys, every time he was pulled off the bench, every time he got a game in preference to another player, assume it was just nepotism? Just daddy making sure his kid got to play? Would the fans turn against him? Would they figure that he was only on the team because of his father? Whenever he fumbled a catch, whenever his throw was just a little off target, would they say ‘yeah, that’s what happens when you play your son instead of one of the real players’? Would they……….

“Baby, stop it.” Kadie said gently, wrapping her palms around his face. “Your brain’s whirling so fast it’s making me dizzy! This isn’t the time to worry about ‘what ifs’.”

“How did you know……?” He finally looked at her again, for the first time since he’d swung at Jon.

Kadie smiled, tracing a fingertip down his cheek. “Baby, everything you feel is right here in this handsome face. Nobody’s going to hate you, just because of who he is. It’s not your fault.”

“Jesus!” Jay let it out on a gusty sigh, throwing himself backward on the couch, covering his eyes with a forearm. “I don’t know what to fucking think.”

“Well, right now, why don’t you think about your mom getting better? You obviously have a lot to talk about, but she needs to be a bit stronger before you do.” Kadie hesitated, but said it anyway. “And, if you want my opinion - and that’s all it is - I think you should sit down with her and Jon to talk about things.”

“He has no place in my life.” Jay said firmly, and Kadie rubbed a gentle hand on his thigh.

“Please, Jay. Give them a chance to explain. It was a long time ago, and they were probably very different people. Please, don’t shut them out without letting them explain. Trust me, you’ll regret it if you do.”

“Maybe.” He said grudgingly.


Up in her room, Billie was weeping silently, and she was unlucky enough to be caught by a nurse who came to check on her.

“Are you in pain again?”

“No.” She snuffled, then managed a smile. “Not physically anyway. Is……is my son still here?”

“I think he’s down in the waiting room.” The nurse said, looking at her kindly. “Do you want me to get him?”

“Please. I need to see him.”

The nurse left with a sympathetic smile, and Billie lay back again, raising her head when the door opened a few minutes later. It wasn’t the face she’d hoped to see, though, and her heart sank.