Chapter 42

In his apartment, Kadie sent Jay to the shower as she headed into the kitchen. He’d protested - to no avail - that he wasn’t hungry, but she just gave him a look, much as his mom would have, and repeated her instruction. He stole a kiss before obeying, chuckling when she slapped his ass lightly as he moved away.

When he returned to the kitchen, showered, shaved and dressed in fresh clothes, Kadie handed him a well-filled bacon sandwich, then pressed a kiss to his smooth, musky scented cheek.

“You smell good.” She murmured. “Okay if I jump in the shower real quick?”

“Sure.” He mumbled around a mouthful of bread and bacon. “If you want a clean shirt or something……..have a look in my closet - there might be something’ll fit you.”

Kadie eyed his broad, athletic shoulders, then his trim waist, shaking her head.

“I seriously doubt it, but I’ll have a look.”

After her shower, she did actually find a shirt that fit not too badly, and as she returned to the kitchen she wondered when it last fit Jay. Turning around as he heard her, he laughed at the shirt.

“Man, I forgot I brought that here!” He chuckled, gesturing that she should turn around so he could read the words on the back, where the lettering - upside down - said ‘If you can read this, please put me back on my horse’. “My lucky shirt. That was my favorite shirt when I was a kid! I never filled it out like that, though, darlin’.”

“I should hope not!” Kadie laughed, then looked at him in mild concern. “You don’t mind me borrowing it? If it’s your lucky shirt?”

“Nope.” His arms snaked around her waist, pulling her hips against his. “I have you - I don’t need luck.”

Jay’s sandwich was long finished, but they stood together to drink a mug of decent coffee, before Jay grabbed his cellphone and rang for a cab. Quickly tidying the kitchen, they left again, heading back to the hospital hand in hand. Heading back to take up the vigil once more.

Billie was lost in a drug-induced haze, the sedatives slowly wearing off, allowing her senses to function normally again. The first thing she became aware of was that familiar voice, talking softly and reassuringly, and as sensation returned she could feel the dull ache all over her body, but forced herself to focus instead on the touch of hands on her skin. Slowly, so very slowly, she pulled herself out of the fog, her fingers tightening on those in her palm, and she heard the voice snap to a halt, the sharp intake of breath and the grip of those hands firming on hers.

She opened her eyes, seeing those familiar, long-beloved, long missed blue eyes gazing up at her with a slightly startled expression, the full lips - even now she could remember their softness - parting just a little, then spreading in a smile. Billie smiled back at him, clearing her throat, feeling the tenderness there from the breathing tube which had been removed just an hour or so ago.

“Hi.” She whispered painfully.

“Hi back.” He replied gently, squeezing her hand again.

Her brain was still woozy from the drugs, and she blinked sleepily as she looked at him, memory warring with reality in her confused state.

“You cut your hair.” She mumbled.

“That was a long time ago.”

“Mm-hm. I loved your hair. But, I guess, I loved everything about you.” The drugs that held her pain to a manageable level also loosened her tongue, and the words - the honesty - spilled out in that husky voice. “Guess I still do, in some ways. And I’m sorry.” Two fat, oily tears broke from her eyes, running down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry…….”

“Sorry for what?” He frowned in confusion, wondering whether he should call a nurse, but her hand tightened on his, holding him there.

“I’m sorry I kept him from you…………sorry I didn’t trust you to understand…….” She was rambling, forgetting that the truth was she hadn’t known how to get in touch with him. Hadn’t known if he’d want to be reminded of his slip, now that his life was back on track.

“Shhhh.” He looked around for a call button, for some way to contact the nursing staff. There was something not right here, but he couldn’t leave her for even the minute it would take to summon help.

“So sorry……” Billie murmured again, freeing her hand from his, raising it to cup his face, her eyes roaming over the short dark hair and high cheekbones, allowing herself to remember those few short days they’d had, so long ago. “I missed you every day since you left…….all I had was your voice, and it was so hard, cowboy…….so hard to know you but not know you. To know he didn’t know you……couldn’t ever know you…….” Her voice faded as pain bloomed in her belly, then it eased again under the continued presence of those wonderful pain killing drugs.

“Shhh……let me get a nurse…..”

Billie didn’t even hear him, her thumb brushing over his cheekbone as her eyes began to dull with the build of pain, her words turning to gasps.

“Then he came up to try out for the Soul, and I knew he’d get it….knew it…….and I just hoped - prayed - you’d not find out. Then he got hurt - God, I was so scared when the call came in - and at the hospital……Richie was there, then you, and I knew it was all over. I knew you knew, and everything was changed. Even after all this time, I knew you’d want to stand up and say he was yours, that he was your son. God, all I could do was convince you to tell her first….she needed to be first………couldn’t let her find out from the papers……” She shuddered suddenly in remembered pain. “Then he found out…..Nick found out……and he said…..he made me……but I had to let him…..I couldn’t let your kids, your wife………couldn’t let Dorothea find out that way……not like that, Jonny…….”

He’d bolted back from her as she reached the end of her whispered speech, and his eyes were horrified as he stared at her, then he found his voice, husky with shock.

“Mom? What are you saying?!” Jay blurted hoarsely.