Chapter 41

Alone in the dim hospital room, alone with his mother, Jay talked softly. After his uncharacteristic - but definitely heartfelt - prayer, he’d pulled himself upright, knowing how pissed his mom would be if she woke to find him slouched over her. Not if, dammit, when. When she woke up.

He talked about everything and anything, from his burgeoning career with the Soul to how he missed the vast empty spaces of the area around the ranch. From memories of things long past - like the first time she’d taken him out riding through a silent, moonlit world - to things of the present. He told her about Desi, mocking himself gently - a talent inherited from her - over the suddenness of his fall from ‘innocence’ through simple lust to something he now believed could be love. Smiling, he told her how Desi had echoed his feelings, and he was grinning sheepishly as he told her of his inexplicable need to call her by a name nobody else used for her.

He talked himself hoarse, watching her the whole time, desperation growing as he searched her face for even a flicker of response. Seeing nothing.

“Dammit, mom!” He whispered harshly. “Please!”

Still nothing, and as he felt his throat tighten he laid his head onto her bed again, still gripping her hand.

He woke to the sound of a soft, familiar voice, a hand on his shoulder, but disappointment hit hard when his immediate hopeful glance to Billie’s face showed her still asleep. Or unconscious. Swallowing the bellow of anguish, Jay turned to find Kadie standing there.

“Desi?” As Jay blinked, it felt like grains of sand were rubbing inside his eyelids, and he realised he’d been crying in his sleep.

“S’okay, baby.” She assured him. “You need to leave for a few minutes, Jay.”

“What? Why?”

“They need to check your mom’s dressings and stuff.” She explained, and now Jay could see a pair of nurses by the door. “Come on. Let’s get some fresh air and maybe a coffee.”

Jay looked at his mom again, then got stiffly to his feet, pausing a moment before leaning down, kissing Billie’s forehead tenderly.

“I love you, mom.” He whispered, then only Kadie - and Billie - heard his next murmur. “Please don’t leave me.”

“Come on.” Kadie repeated huskily, his obvious distress making her wish she could do something more than just be there. Wishing she could make everything okay again.

Silently, Jay followed her from the room, offering a polite - and forced - half smile to the waiting nurses. They smiled sympathetically back at him, then closed the door behind them, moving into the room to check on their patient.

“Wha’ time’s it?” Jay asked suddenly, only now realising that he’d forgotten his watch in his haste to get here.

“Almost five.” Kadie said, and Jay saw the hint of sunrise beginning to tinge the clouds with pink and gold.

“Must’ve fallen asleep.” He mumbled, reaching for her hand, pulling her to a halt. “Sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to leave you all alone out here.”

“I know you didn’t mean it.” She said with a sweetly understanding smile. “And, anyway, I wasn’t alone.”

“You weren’t?” Jay was shocked by his sudden burst of possessive anger at the thought of her spending time with another guy. ‘Jesus - down boy!’ he told himself sternly, but her next words both stunned and reassured him.

“No. Jon and Richie are still here.”

“They are?!”

Jay’s eyes were wide with shock, and Kadie felt that same disorienting recognition, the resemblance between the man before her and the older man - his father - she’d been with these last few hours stunning her all over again.

“Uh-huh. They said they’d nowhere else to be, and they wanted to stay. Of course….” Kadie smirked. “Having a pair of rockstars in the room has meant that we now have decent coffee.”

After a brief stroll outside to try to clear his head, Jay led the way back to the waiting room. Kadie had told him that, following a terse instruction from Doctor Riviello, the room had been placed off-limits to other visitors, to allow the three ‘stars’ - including the young footballer in that list - privacy at this trying time. Pushing open the door, he saw Jon and Richie sitting together on the couch, talking softly. At the opening door, though, they looked up in unison, Jon getting to his feet.

“Any news?” He asked, stuffing his hands into the front pockets of his jeans.

“Naw. She’s still unconscious. De……..uh, Kadie said they needed to change her bandages or something, so I had to leave.”

“Just a suggestion.” Richie said from the couch. “But your mom is under sedation, right? She’s gonna be out of it for a few hours more, isn’t she?” The question directed at Kadie.

“Yep. They’ll ease back on the sedation in a couple more hours, let her move into natural sleep, then wake up when she’s ready.”

“Uh-huh.” Richie nodded. “So why don’t you take an hour, Jay - head home so you can shower and change? I mean, not to put too fine a point on it, but you look like day-old dogshit. Your mom’ll freak if she sees you like that.”

“But I can’t……..” Jay looked at Kadie suddenly. “Is it that bad?”

“You do look a bit beat up, baby.” She said, a little more diplomatic than Richie. “And your mom’s going to be another few hours before she’ll wake up. It’s probably a good idea. I can stay with her if you like?”

“Why don’t you both go?” Jon suggested. “I’ll sit with her. Me and Rich’ll take turns.”

“I can’t ask you to do that!” Jay protested. “Dammit, boss, but you’ve been here all night, too!”

“You didn’t ask. I offered.” Jon said reasonably. “Give me your cell number - I swear I’ll call if there’s even the tiniest change. One hour - you can clean up, change, then be back here long before she wakes up.”

Jay looked at the three people a little dubiously. He still couldn’t get his head around Jon and Richie’s willingness to put themselves out for his mom. Looking at Kadie, though, he saw the silent confirmation that the suggestion made sense, and he sighed gustily.

“Okay. Room four eighty six.” He rattled off his number, Jon punching it into his own phone. “Any news, call me!”

“I will, Jay. Promise.”

The young player looked closely at the two singers again before nodding, reaching for Kadie’s hand. She followed him from the room with a swift backward glance at Jon and Richie, her eyes penetrating. Jon nodded silently, and she relaxed, moving closer to Jay.

Please, God, let this be the right thing to do. I know he needs to get out of here for a little while, but please, please, don’t let anything happen while we’re gone.

When the young couple left, Jon looked at Richie who just nodded from his position on the couch.

“Go, bro.” He said softly. “Go sit with her.”

“Thanks, Rich.” Jon said sincerely, leaving the room, heading for the stairs.

Taking the stairs two at a time, he found the correct floor, then the correct room. A nurse stopped him as he reached for the door handle, but after she got over the surprise of who he was she told him he could go in - Doctor Riviello had cleared him to visit. A swift warning of what he could expect to see, along with an admonition against cellphones or excessive noise, then she let him go inside.

Jon walked hesitantly to the chair, standing by the bedside for a moment to look at her. What shocked him most, knowing the damage which had been done to her, knowing the injuries she’d sustained, was that there wasn’t a single mark on her face. That the bastard had carefully kept his punches where the bruises wouldn’t show. The mark of a man who was no stranger to beating women.

“Oh, Billie.” He whispered, kissing her forehead much as his son had done. “Billie, Billie, Billie. What has he done to you, cowgirl?”

Sinking into the chair, Jon wrapped his hands around hers, talking to her softly. Apologising to her, for the years she’d been left alone to raise their son. Thanking her. Talking for the sake of sound, not sure whether she could hear him or not.