Chapter 43

Billie blinked at him, confused. Mom? He called her mom? But why would Jon do that?

“Jon?” She whispered, reaching out to him, shocked as he recoiled from her, but his sudden movement brought his face into a shaft of afternoon sunlight, and she blanched even paler than the blood loss had caused as she realised what she’d just done. “Oh, God……Jay.”

“Mom, what in the fuck are you saying? Is it just the drugs wearing off?”

Numb, she shook her head, the distress on his face breaking her heart.

“Not the drugs, Jay.”

“But……….but my dad’s name was Craig.” He blurted, bewildered. “You were engaged and he died in a car wreck, then you had me. That’s what you told me.”

“And it’s true.” Billie fought the woolly chains of drugs in her brain, trying to explain. “It’s mostly true, Jay. I just left out a few details.”

“Details.” He repeated in a flat, icy tone. His father’s voice.

“Yes. I was engaged to Craig, and he did die in that wreck. But he died a few years before you were born.”

“So everything you’ve told me - everything I am - it’s all lies!” Jay exploded, pushing away from the bed.

“No! No, Jay.” Billie struggled to push herself upright, fighting back the pain. “You’re still exactly the same person, Jay. Just that now……now you know….”

“Oh, now I know all right.” He spat, anger - embarrassment? fear? he wasn’t even sure what - driving his words. “I’m surprised you kept me. You had a one night stand with a fucking rockstar and I was the unfortunate result, huh? Jesus, even then, hadn’t you guys heard of protection?”

“It wasn’t like that!” She protested, anguish overriding pain and sense so she pushed herself fully upright, immediately knowing it was a mistake as pain lanced through her. “It wasn’t….”

She cried out in pain, falling back onto the pillows. Panicked, Jay went for the door, yanking it open and yelling for a nurse before returning to the bedside, his anger evaporated. His anger at her, at any rate.

"Mom........" All he could do was grip her hand as she gasped in pain again, then the nurses were there, taking one look at her before telling him to leave.

"But....." Jay protested, but they weren't to be moved, and one took hold of his arm.

“You need to leave now.” She said harshly, propelling him out of the room and shutting the door behind him.

Kadie was sitting on the bench just outside, but Jay barely even glanced at her before heading for the stairs, needing to vent his anger somehow, and knowing just the target he needed. Her heart pounding, Kadie jumped to her feet and followed him, catching him in the stairwell and grabbing his shoulder.

“Jay! What’s happened?!”

“Nothing.” He muttered. Damn, this isn’t her fight. Isn’t her problem. Why should I drag….

“Don’t fucking lie to me.” She snapped, the first time he’d heard her curse, and it was enough of a surprise to make him actually look at her, seeing the tension in her eyes as she scoured his face.

“Sorry.” He forced the anger away, keeping it for someone far more deserving. “I just……mom’s awake, and….”

“She is? That’s great.” Kadie frowned at him. “But not. Why not?”

“She…….aw shit……” Jay turned around, leaning against the wall as he looked at her. “When she came around, she mistook me for someone else. For my….my father.”

“And?” Kadie didn’t get it. “It’s quite common, Jay, for people coming out of sedation to be a little confused.”

“Oh, she was confused all right. She was confused enough to think I was him, and to say enough that I know….”

“Know what?” Oh, sweet Jesus, he knows! He knows his father isn’t some dead fiancé, but is the very much alive rockstar sitting downstairs.

“That my dad wasn’t the guy she lost in a car wreck all those years ago. Not the guy she told me was my dad.” His eyes were huge with hurt and confusion as he looked at her. “You wanna know who my dad is, Desi? My real, actual, fucking biological father?”

“I……”

He wasn’t waiting for a response, though. He just had to say it.

“Jon Bon fucking Jovi.”

“He………what?” Every instinct in her told Kadie to play dumb. After all, she didn’t know Jon was Jay’s father - she only had Richie’s swift words of caution as a guide, though there was no other reason she could imagine for him saying what he’d whispered in her ear. If nothing else, anyway, she had the proof of her own eyes, in that ‘eureka’ moment. “Your dad is……..is…… Jon’s your dad?”

“Yeah. Pretty much what I thought. So what does that make me? The product of some quick fuck backstage at a concert? Some drunken night they both regret?”

“Stop it!” She snapped, grabbing his shoulders, her grip tight enough to hurt. “You don’t know that, Jay! Hell, your mom is a strong woman - if she’d not wanted a child - not wanted you - she wouldn’t have had you! Don’t jump to conclusions!”

“Why didn’t she tell me?”

“Why? What difference would it have made?”

“It……I……..” He looked at her lamely. “I’d have known.”

“And that’s the only difference there’d have been.” Kadie said firmly, moving in to hug him. “Please, baby. Please, please don’t jump in and do something you’ll regret. Let her explain, once she’s a bit more lucid.” A thought finally occurred, and she drew back. “Why did the nurses throw you out of there?”

“Mom…….oh, Jesus…….she sat up, tried to sit up, to reach for me, and it hurt her…….hurt her so bad…..I…..they…….”

They were still in the stairwell, and Kadie made a swift decision, pushing him around until he sat on a stair.

“You stay there.” She said firmly. “I’m going to go see what’s going on. Just stay.”

“Yeah.” Jay mumbled, dropping his head into his hands. The boss? The boss is my fucking father?

Kadie looked at him dubiously, but went back into the hallway, along to Billie’s room, rapping gently on the door. After a moment or two, a nurse opened the door.

“Yes?”

“Hi. Sorry. I just wanted to check if Billie’s okay? Her son said she jerked up and hurt herself.”

“She’s……resting.” The woman said cautiously.

“I’m a nurse, over at University.” Kadie explained. “But I used to work here, with Doctor Riviello.”

Professional courtesy, as always, took over, and the nurse nodded. “She hasn’t torn anything - no further bleeding - but the bruising hurt her, and she pulled against some stitches. She will be okay, so long as she doesn’t do anything else silly like that.”

“Okay. Thanks.” Kadie breathed a little easier. “I’ll let him know. Can he come back and sit with her?”

“Not for a while. We’ve just hit her with more painkillers, so she’s out of it again.”

Kadie nodded and backed away, heading into the stairwell once more.

“Jay, she’s……….Jay?” The stairwell was empty. “Oh, dammit, Jay!” She snapped, heading down the stairs at a run.

After Kadie had left, Jay sat for only a moment before the tension set into him again, his shoulders hunching like a boxer ready to punch. Punch. That sounded good right now. And he knew just whose face he was picturing as the target. With an angry curl to his lip, he got to his feet and started down the stairs.

At the waiting room door, he didn’t even try to calm himself, but just slammed in through the door, seeing the two men on the couch.

Jon jumped to his feet, the tense line of Jay's jaw worrying him, the expression too similar to his own when bad things had to be faced.

"What's happened?" He asked, and Jay glanced at Richie before deciding he didn't give a fuck what the guitarist thought.

Before he could speak, he heard the door open again, and swung to see Kadie enter the room. Her eyes were telling him - begging him - to be calm, but he wasn’t in the mood to listen to even her entreaties.

"Have I said, boss, how much it means to me that you're this concerned about my mom?" He asked, his voice sweetly poisonous. Jon didn't hear the sarcasm, but Richie did, and he ground his teeth together. Shit, but this could be bad. "I just wondered, though........"

He did retain enough sense to look back, double-checking the door was shut behind him, seeing the worry on Kadie's face before turning back to the older man. "Is my mom something special to you, or are you this concerned for every groupie you've fucked and knocked up, Dad?"

Chapter 42

In his apartment, Kadie sent Jay to the shower as she headed into the kitchen. He’d protested - to no avail - that he wasn’t hungry, but she just gave him a look, much as his mom would have, and repeated her instruction. He stole a kiss before obeying, chuckling when she slapped his ass lightly as he moved away.

When he returned to the kitchen, showered, shaved and dressed in fresh clothes, Kadie handed him a well-filled bacon sandwich, then pressed a kiss to his smooth, musky scented cheek.

“You smell good.” She murmured. “Okay if I jump in the shower real quick?”

“Sure.” He mumbled around a mouthful of bread and bacon. “If you want a clean shirt or something……..have a look in my closet - there might be something’ll fit you.”

Kadie eyed his broad, athletic shoulders, then his trim waist, shaking her head.

“I seriously doubt it, but I’ll have a look.”

After her shower, she did actually find a shirt that fit not too badly, and as she returned to the kitchen she wondered when it last fit Jay. Turning around as he heard her, he laughed at the shirt.

“Man, I forgot I brought that here!” He chuckled, gesturing that she should turn around so he could read the words on the back, where the lettering - upside down - said ‘If you can read this, please put me back on my horse’. “My lucky shirt. That was my favorite shirt when I was a kid! I never filled it out like that, though, darlin’.”

“I should hope not!” Kadie laughed, then looked at him in mild concern. “You don’t mind me borrowing it? If it’s your lucky shirt?”

“Nope.” His arms snaked around her waist, pulling her hips against his. “I have you - I don’t need luck.”

Jay’s sandwich was long finished, but they stood together to drink a mug of decent coffee, before Jay grabbed his cellphone and rang for a cab. Quickly tidying the kitchen, they left again, heading back to the hospital hand in hand. Heading back to take up the vigil once more.

Billie was lost in a drug-induced haze, the sedatives slowly wearing off, allowing her senses to function normally again. The first thing she became aware of was that familiar voice, talking softly and reassuringly, and as sensation returned she could feel the dull ache all over her body, but forced herself to focus instead on the touch of hands on her skin. Slowly, so very slowly, she pulled herself out of the fog, her fingers tightening on those in her palm, and she heard the voice snap to a halt, the sharp intake of breath and the grip of those hands firming on hers.

She opened her eyes, seeing those familiar, long-beloved, long missed blue eyes gazing up at her with a slightly startled expression, the full lips - even now she could remember their softness - parting just a little, then spreading in a smile. Billie smiled back at him, clearing her throat, feeling the tenderness there from the breathing tube which had been removed just an hour or so ago.

“Hi.” She whispered painfully.

“Hi back.” He replied gently, squeezing her hand again.

Her brain was still woozy from the drugs, and she blinked sleepily as she looked at him, memory warring with reality in her confused state.

“You cut your hair.” She mumbled.

“That was a long time ago.”

“Mm-hm. I loved your hair. But, I guess, I loved everything about you.” The drugs that held her pain to a manageable level also loosened her tongue, and the words - the honesty - spilled out in that husky voice. “Guess I still do, in some ways. And I’m sorry.” Two fat, oily tears broke from her eyes, running down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry…….”

“Sorry for what?” He frowned in confusion, wondering whether he should call a nurse, but her hand tightened on his, holding him there.

“I’m sorry I kept him from you…………sorry I didn’t trust you to understand…….” She was rambling, forgetting that the truth was she hadn’t known how to get in touch with him. Hadn’t known if he’d want to be reminded of his slip, now that his life was back on track.

“Shhhh.” He looked around for a call button, for some way to contact the nursing staff. There was something not right here, but he couldn’t leave her for even the minute it would take to summon help.

“So sorry……” Billie murmured again, freeing her hand from his, raising it to cup his face, her eyes roaming over the short dark hair and high cheekbones, allowing herself to remember those few short days they’d had, so long ago. “I missed you every day since you left…….all I had was your voice, and it was so hard, cowboy…….so hard to know you but not know you. To know he didn’t know you……couldn’t ever know you…….” Her voice faded as pain bloomed in her belly, then it eased again under the continued presence of those wonderful pain killing drugs.

“Shhh……let me get a nurse…..”

Billie didn’t even hear him, her thumb brushing over his cheekbone as her eyes began to dull with the build of pain, her words turning to gasps.

“Then he came up to try out for the Soul, and I knew he’d get it….knew it…….and I just hoped - prayed - you’d not find out. Then he got hurt - God, I was so scared when the call came in - and at the hospital……Richie was there, then you, and I knew it was all over. I knew you knew, and everything was changed. Even after all this time, I knew you’d want to stand up and say he was yours, that he was your son. God, all I could do was convince you to tell her first….she needed to be first………couldn’t let her find out from the papers……” She shuddered suddenly in remembered pain. “Then he found out…..Nick found out……and he said…..he made me……but I had to let him…..I couldn’t let your kids, your wife………couldn’t let Dorothea find out that way……not like that, Jonny…….”

He’d bolted back from her as she reached the end of her whispered speech, and his eyes were horrified as he stared at her, then he found his voice, husky with shock.

“Mom? What are you saying?!” Jay blurted hoarsely.

Chapter 41

Alone in the dim hospital room, alone with his mother, Jay talked softly. After his uncharacteristic - but definitely heartfelt - prayer, he’d pulled himself upright, knowing how pissed his mom would be if she woke to find him slouched over her. Not if, dammit, when. When she woke up.

He talked about everything and anything, from his burgeoning career with the Soul to how he missed the vast empty spaces of the area around the ranch. From memories of things long past - like the first time she’d taken him out riding through a silent, moonlit world - to things of the present. He told her about Desi, mocking himself gently - a talent inherited from her - over the suddenness of his fall from ‘innocence’ through simple lust to something he now believed could be love. Smiling, he told her how Desi had echoed his feelings, and he was grinning sheepishly as he told her of his inexplicable need to call her by a name nobody else used for her.

He talked himself hoarse, watching her the whole time, desperation growing as he searched her face for even a flicker of response. Seeing nothing.

“Dammit, mom!” He whispered harshly. “Please!”

Still nothing, and as he felt his throat tighten he laid his head onto her bed again, still gripping her hand.

He woke to the sound of a soft, familiar voice, a hand on his shoulder, but disappointment hit hard when his immediate hopeful glance to Billie’s face showed her still asleep. Or unconscious. Swallowing the bellow of anguish, Jay turned to find Kadie standing there.

“Desi?” As Jay blinked, it felt like grains of sand were rubbing inside his eyelids, and he realised he’d been crying in his sleep.

“S’okay, baby.” She assured him. “You need to leave for a few minutes, Jay.”

“What? Why?”

“They need to check your mom’s dressings and stuff.” She explained, and now Jay could see a pair of nurses by the door. “Come on. Let’s get some fresh air and maybe a coffee.”

Jay looked at his mom again, then got stiffly to his feet, pausing a moment before leaning down, kissing Billie’s forehead tenderly.

“I love you, mom.” He whispered, then only Kadie - and Billie - heard his next murmur. “Please don’t leave me.”

“Come on.” Kadie repeated huskily, his obvious distress making her wish she could do something more than just be there. Wishing she could make everything okay again.

Silently, Jay followed her from the room, offering a polite - and forced - half smile to the waiting nurses. They smiled sympathetically back at him, then closed the door behind them, moving into the room to check on their patient.

“Wha’ time’s it?” Jay asked suddenly, only now realising that he’d forgotten his watch in his haste to get here.

“Almost five.” Kadie said, and Jay saw the hint of sunrise beginning to tinge the clouds with pink and gold.

“Must’ve fallen asleep.” He mumbled, reaching for her hand, pulling her to a halt. “Sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to leave you all alone out here.”

“I know you didn’t mean it.” She said with a sweetly understanding smile. “And, anyway, I wasn’t alone.”

“You weren’t?” Jay was shocked by his sudden burst of possessive anger at the thought of her spending time with another guy. ‘Jesus - down boy!’ he told himself sternly, but her next words both stunned and reassured him.

“No. Jon and Richie are still here.”

“They are?!”

Jay’s eyes were wide with shock, and Kadie felt that same disorienting recognition, the resemblance between the man before her and the older man - his father - she’d been with these last few hours stunning her all over again.

“Uh-huh. They said they’d nowhere else to be, and they wanted to stay. Of course….” Kadie smirked. “Having a pair of rockstars in the room has meant that we now have decent coffee.”

After a brief stroll outside to try to clear his head, Jay led the way back to the waiting room. Kadie had told him that, following a terse instruction from Doctor Riviello, the room had been placed off-limits to other visitors, to allow the three ‘stars’ - including the young footballer in that list - privacy at this trying time. Pushing open the door, he saw Jon and Richie sitting together on the couch, talking softly. At the opening door, though, they looked up in unison, Jon getting to his feet.

“Any news?” He asked, stuffing his hands into the front pockets of his jeans.

“Naw. She’s still unconscious. De……..uh, Kadie said they needed to change her bandages or something, so I had to leave.”

“Just a suggestion.” Richie said from the couch. “But your mom is under sedation, right? She’s gonna be out of it for a few hours more, isn’t she?” The question directed at Kadie.

“Yep. They’ll ease back on the sedation in a couple more hours, let her move into natural sleep, then wake up when she’s ready.”

“Uh-huh.” Richie nodded. “So why don’t you take an hour, Jay - head home so you can shower and change? I mean, not to put too fine a point on it, but you look like day-old dogshit. Your mom’ll freak if she sees you like that.”

“But I can’t……..” Jay looked at Kadie suddenly. “Is it that bad?”

“You do look a bit beat up, baby.” She said, a little more diplomatic than Richie. “And your mom’s going to be another few hours before she’ll wake up. It’s probably a good idea. I can stay with her if you like?”

“Why don’t you both go?” Jon suggested. “I’ll sit with her. Me and Rich’ll take turns.”

“I can’t ask you to do that!” Jay protested. “Dammit, boss, but you’ve been here all night, too!”

“You didn’t ask. I offered.” Jon said reasonably. “Give me your cell number - I swear I’ll call if there’s even the tiniest change. One hour - you can clean up, change, then be back here long before she wakes up.”

Jay looked at the three people a little dubiously. He still couldn’t get his head around Jon and Richie’s willingness to put themselves out for his mom. Looking at Kadie, though, he saw the silent confirmation that the suggestion made sense, and he sighed gustily.

“Okay. Room four eighty six.” He rattled off his number, Jon punching it into his own phone. “Any news, call me!”

“I will, Jay. Promise.”

The young player looked closely at the two singers again before nodding, reaching for Kadie’s hand. She followed him from the room with a swift backward glance at Jon and Richie, her eyes penetrating. Jon nodded silently, and she relaxed, moving closer to Jay.

Please, God, let this be the right thing to do. I know he needs to get out of here for a little while, but please, please, don’t let anything happen while we’re gone.

When the young couple left, Jon looked at Richie who just nodded from his position on the couch.

“Go, bro.” He said softly. “Go sit with her.”

“Thanks, Rich.” Jon said sincerely, leaving the room, heading for the stairs.

Taking the stairs two at a time, he found the correct floor, then the correct room. A nurse stopped him as he reached for the door handle, but after she got over the surprise of who he was she told him he could go in - Doctor Riviello had cleared him to visit. A swift warning of what he could expect to see, along with an admonition against cellphones or excessive noise, then she let him go inside.

Jon walked hesitantly to the chair, standing by the bedside for a moment to look at her. What shocked him most, knowing the damage which had been done to her, knowing the injuries she’d sustained, was that there wasn’t a single mark on her face. That the bastard had carefully kept his punches where the bruises wouldn’t show. The mark of a man who was no stranger to beating women.

“Oh, Billie.” He whispered, kissing her forehead much as his son had done. “Billie, Billie, Billie. What has he done to you, cowgirl?”

Sinking into the chair, Jon wrapped his hands around hers, talking to her softly. Apologising to her, for the years she’d been left alone to raise their son. Thanking her. Talking for the sake of sound, not sure whether she could hear him or not.