Chapter 40

As Jon and Richie stared up in horror, wondering just how much of their conversation he’d heard, Jay shrugged suddenly, slightly embarrassed at how he’d just spoken to his boss.

“Sorry. It’s just…..” He sighed. “I said something similar and Kadie nearly took my head off. Guess it sank in.”

“Aw, Jesus, that’d be a first for a…….football player.” Richie ended lamely, unable to believe how close he’d been to saying ‘first for a Bongiovi’.

Jon kept his hands clenched as he looked up at his son. My son, dammit. My oldest son, and his mom is in an operating room somewhere, maybe dying, and……

“S’okay, Jay.” Was all he said, though, holding himself together. “Has something happened?”

“Huh? Oh, no. I just was heading to the bathroom and saw this fire door open. Didn’t mean to interrupt anything, though.”

“You didn’t.” Jon hauled himself to his feet, holding out a hand to pull Richie up, too. “Just needed a couple minutes alone, but Sambora fucked that up.”

“Fuck you.” Richie replied with a grin, and Jay was struck for the first time by the easy brotherhood between the two men. He knew they weren’t related, but this was the first he’d actually seen, up close, how close they were. They must be great dads, he thought suddenly.

The three of them stepped back into the hallway, tugging the door shut again, then Jon and Richie headed for the waiting room as Jay detoured to the bathroom, finally taking care of what he’d come out to do. He joined the others in the waiting room a few minutes later, his eyes suspiciously red but his face composed. That composure didn’t last long, though, as he’d barely sat down next to Kadie when the door opened and a weary Doctor Riviello walked into the room.

“Doc?” Jay was on his feet. He didn’t recognise the man, but the light blue scrubs and his general air of command said he was in charge.

“Mr Kelsall?” The doctor turned to Jay, who nodded, then Riviello looked at Jon and Richie, frowning slightly.

“They’re friends.” Jay said quickly, and Jon heaved a silent sigh of relief. Jay wasn’t going to kick them out of here. “Please, just tell me - tell us. My mom?”

“Why don’t we all sit down?” Riviello said, then held up a hand to forestall the inevitable assumption. “And, no, it’s not because I have bad news, Mr Kelsall.”

“Jay.”

“Okay. Jay. Let’s sit.”

Once they were all seated, Kadie gripping Jay’s hand tightly as he leaned forward, waiting intently for the doctor’s report.

“Your mom is up in the ICU right now, in recovery. She……..” He looked at Kadie, who nodded fractionally. “You know what happened to her.” He said, a flat statement of fact.

“Yes. Kadie told me. We all know what happened.” Jay clarified, just so the doctor wouldn’t feel he had to hide anything, with Jon and Richie sitting there.

Raising his eyebrows - clearly these two men were more than just friends of the family if they knew the whole story - the doctor nodded once.

“We’ve repaired the rectal tears, and stopped the bleeding. It’ll be a few days before we know if there’s any lasting damage, but for now she’s out of danger. Who found her?”

Richie raised a hand silently, earning himself a smile from Riviello.

“In which case she may very well owe you her life, Mr Sambora. Probably what saved her, more than anything, was being found so quickly. Another half hour, maybe less, and she’d have bled out.”

Jay gasped in shock, and Riviello flushed slightly, realising how callous the term must sound to a non-medical person.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so harsh. But your mom was bleeding very heavily, and Mr Sambora quite likely saved her from losing so much blood we couldn’t help her. As it was, her heart stopped a couple of times, but I don’t expect any complications from that. We just need to wait, now, for her to wake up.”

“But she will, right?” Jay asked hoarsely.

“Yes, she will.” Riviello replied firmly. “She’s a fighter, your mom.”

“Yeah, she is.” Jay whispered, his eyes filling with tears so he dropped his head self-consciously, feeling Kadie squeezing his hand almost painfully tight. Getting himself together again, he lifted his head. “Can I see her?”

“Of course. But only one person can be in the ICU with her, I’m afraid.”

Jay looked at Kadie, who smiled reassuringly.

“I’ll come up with you and just wait outside.”

“Uh, I don’t know if you wanna……….” Jay’s words trailed off as he looked enquiringly at Jon and Richie, and Jon raise a hand.

“I don’t have anywhere else to be right now, buddy. I’ll hang around until we get some news, if that’s okay?”

“Fine with me, boss.” Jay got to his feet, pulling Kadie with him toward the door, then he turned to look at Jon and Richie again. “Thanks. For caring.”

Before they could respond, he was out of the room, Riviello following close behind to take them up to the ICU. The door closed softly behind them, and Richie was lost in his own thoughts until he heard a pained gasp, turning to look at Jon.

His friend’s hands were clenched tightly together, his knuckles bright white as the force of his grip forced all blood away, and he gasped again, hunting for air as he hunched forward on the chair.

“Jon!” Richie snapped. Dammit, but it had been years since he’d seen Jon in the grip of a panic attack, and he’d hoped to never see it again. “Jonny, stop it!”

Jon couldn’t even hear him, though, lost in his own head, his eyes open but blind. Lost in the horror of this being his fault.

‘I did this to Billie. Me. With my goddamned selfishness. My fault.’

He was too deeply lost in his thoughts to be able to remember that it was Billie who’d insisted that he tell Dorothea first. Right now, all Jon could see was that he’d done this. Somehow, somewhere, this whole damned situation was his fault. It had to be. Who else could he blame? Not Billie. Not Jay. Just him.

Jon lurched forward as he struggled for breath. Struggled to breathe, though in reality he was breathing fine. It felt like he was breathing through a pillow, the air hot and thick and almost solid as he fought to draw it into his lungs. Gasping again, he vaguely felt two strong hands on his shoulders, but not a grasp to comfort. The hands were shaking him roughly, and the very roughness was enough to shake his brain loose of the panic, just a little.

“Jonny!” Richie almost yelled it, crouching in front of his friend as he shook him hard. “Don’t be so fucking selfish, Jon!” He snapped, hoping to anger him enough to bring him out of it.

And it worked.

“Selfish?” He whispered, blinking rapidly.

“Yeah. Selfish.” Richie felt a flood of relief as Jon relaxed slightly. “This isn’t about you, or your sudden attack of the guilties. You need to keep it together, bro. For everybody’s sake.”

Exhaling heavily, Jon painfully unknotted his hands, feeling the deep ache in them from the strength of his grip. Richie’s hands were still on his shoulders, but now they were supporting, not shaking, and he ran his hands through his hair, drawing a deep breath before looking at his friend.

“Thanks, Rich. It was just…..”

“I know. You were beating yourself up how it’s your fault.” Richie stood, wincing as his knees protested, falling gratefully back onto the couch. “You don’t have exclusivity on that feeling.”

Jay and Kadie had followed Doctor Riviello up to the specialised floor of the hospital, where dedicated nursing staff cared for the sickest of patients. Outside a private room, he paused. The blinds were drawn down on the window, the closed door bearing a small handwritten card with the name ‘Kelsall’ in the center.

“Now, there’s a lot of wires and machines and stuff in here.” The doctor warned. “And I won’t say it’s not as bad as it looks, because it pretty much is. As well as the………the injuries you know about, from the rape and assault, your mom has a lot of bruising to her body, and her left shoulder is badly swollen.”

“From what?”

“We think, from the injury, probably he held her down in an armlock. Back of her neck is bruised, too. Again, probably from being pinned down.”

“Motherfucker.” Jay muttered under his breath. “I swear, I get my hands on him…….”

“I know, baby.” Kadie whispered, rubbing his bicep gently. “But not now, okay. Right now she needs you here. Needs you strong.”

“Yeah.” He breathed. “I know.”

Squaring his shoulders resolutely, Jay nodded to the doctor, who gave a tiny nod of agreement, pushing the door open. Jay stepped past him, into the dimly lit room, his step faltering at the sight of the body under the white cover, the bulk of a cage over her to keep the cover from lying heavily on her damaged body. The room echoed with the soft beeps of machines. Machines to keep her alive or machines to make sure she was alive, he wasn’t quite sure.

“She can probably hear you, even under sedation like this.” Riviello’s voice from behind him. “Just sit with her. Talk to her. She needs to know she’s safe, Jay.”

Searching for strength, Jay walked to the bed, aware of the door closing behind him as Riviello left the room. There was a chair next to the bed, and he sank slowly into it, gazing at his unconscious mother, her face partly obscured by the tube lodged in her throat, giving her the oxygen she needed.

“Oh, mom.” He whispered, reaching to touch her hand. The only part of her he could touch without fear of hurting her more. “Mom, what has he done to you?”

He gazed at her face for another moment, then leaned forward to rest his forehead on her hand, his fingers still gripping hers. He felt like there had to be something. Something he could do. Something he should do. A long-ago memory surfaced slowly and reluctantly, a memory of his childhood, and his mother’s half-hearted attempt to instill some kind of faith in him. Which was kind of ironic, given that she’d always laughingly said that the only church she attended was Jonny’s Church of Rock and Roll. The memory of her laughter was more painful than he’d have ever imagined, and Jay squeezed his eyes shut in pain.

Long minutes later, the quiet of the room was broken, the sound of machines joined by the soft sound of his voice.

“Our father, who art in heaven………”

Chapter 39

“Fabian?” Jon echoed incredulously, almost fumbling his coffee to the floor as he tried to lay it down. “From the team?!”

“Uh-huh.” Jay said quietly, not entirely sure if Jon’s angry tone was because he was practically accusing the guy of sexual assault, or if he was enraged at the thought of someone he knew - someone he employed - being a rapist.

His concern was swiftly allayed, though, by “The Boss’s” next words.

“Nick the prick.” Jon muttered darkly, then raised his eyes to meet Richie’s gaze, seeing the incomprehension there. “That’s what the players call him. He fucks around on his wife at the drop of a hat. Guy’s an asshole.”

“But, even so…..” Richie said slowly. “It’s quite a leap from fucking around to…..to….this!”

“I dunno.” Jon kept his eyes locked on Richie’s, knowing his friend would understand how - why - he was suddenly convinced Jay was right. Why he knew Nick would be only too happy to try to ruin his life. “I had to warn him off, couple months back. Told him he either packed it in or he was fired.”

“Packed what in?”

“He was…….coming on……to Stephanie. Never anything too blatant, but very definitely inappropriate. I mean - for fuck’s sake - she’s only fourteen!”

Richie sat silent as he thought about it. If Jon had done one of his usual bull-in-a-china-shop, heavy handed protection of his only daughter things, there was a better than even chance he’d seriously pissed Nick off. Seriously enough that, with the kind of potentially damaging knowledge he’d lucked into, Nick was more than likely capable of blackmail. And if he was perverted enough to be making moves on a kid of Steph’s age, he was probably a sick enough fuck to have done this to Billie. His fists clenched reflexively, his expression bleak enough that Jon had to ask.

“What?”

“Nothin’.” Richie lied shortly, but he couldn’t hold it back, looking from Jon to Jay - from father to son - with pain in his eyes. “I let her go, goddammit! I let her go upstairs to him. It’s my fucking fault!”

“No, it’s not!” Jon said firmly. “It’s not, Rich. Hell, if anybody’s to blame, it’s…….” He was saved from an injudicious remark, though, as Jay interrupted.

“The only person to blame for this is….” He backed off from outright accusing Nick. “…..is the guy who did it. I could blame you, Richie, for letting mom go; I could blame myself, because if I’d not got hurt mom wouldn’t have been up here at all. I could blame you, boss, for hiring Nick.” He qualified that statement quickly. “If he did it. But the truth is, only the bastard who hurt her is to blame, and we won’t know who it was for certain until mom wakes up and tells us. So, right now, all we can do is wait.”

The two older men stared at him in silence. Not only was it the longest speech either of them had heard Jay make, but his intonation was so similar to Jon’s that it was uncanny. The same talent for cutting through the bullshit of blame, for getting to the heart of the matter. And for brooking no disagreement with his words. If Jon had ever harbored a doubt about Jay being his son, that brief speech confirmed the boy - the man - as his flesh and blood.

Jay’s words were still hanging in the air as the door swung open, Kadie walking in carrying boxes of gauze, tape and antiseptic. Feeling the tension in the room, she looked immediately at Jay.

“Has something happened?” She asked, but when he looked at her and she saw his eyes clear and bright, her fears receded slightly.

“Naw, baby. We were just talkin’.”

She studied him for another second, then nodded.

“Okay. Uh…..” Kadie glanced at Richie. “Sorry, can I sit there, Richie? I need to fix up his hands.”

“Sure, Kadie.” He got to his feet instantly. “Quite a temper your boy has there.”

“Hey!” She defended jokingly, trying to defuse the anger still lingering in the room. “I saw the whole thing. The wall started it!”

The stress, the tension and the worry broke in an instant as all four of them began to laugh. It wasn’t in any way that they’d forgotten Billie, or why they were sitting in this pale-green painted room, but the normal human psyche can only take so much gut-knotting tension before something snaps. Often, that break is into floods of tears, or a full-on panic attack, but sometimes just the right thing said or done at the right time spins the tension into hilarity, and the stress drains away under the soothing balm of laughter.

As the laughter faded away, the release of tension was palpable, and as Kadie began to treat Jay’s hands he gently closed his fingers on hers, the pressure making her look at him.

“Thank you.” He barely breathed the words, his eyes saying as much as his voice.

She didn’t even answer, just wrinkled her nose at him then got back to her nursely work. Ten minutes later, both his hands were thoroughly sanitised, antisepticed and wrapped in carefully applied gauze.

“You’ll just have to be careful they don’t stiffen up too badly.” She warned him. “Keep using them as much as you can.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He purred, his expression making his meaning clear, and Richie turned away to hide a smirk. Shit, but he was a chip off the old block.

Kadie returned the remaining gauze and things to the nurse’s station, then returned to the waiting room, and they sat in relative silence for somewhere over an hour. Jay had his arm around Kadie, her head on his chest, and Jon and Richie sat on armchairs, each lost in their thoughts. As usual, with the years they’d been together, their thoughts were running pretty much in parallel, centering on what could - should - be done about Nick, if he was indeed the attacker. Even though he tried to keep his thoughts on Billie’s condition, Jon’s mind was wandering to how he should deal with the blackmail, which led him to thinking again about the things Billie had gone through to protect him - and their son - from the jackals of the media. That thought spiralled around in his brain until the only thought hammering at him, as loud and penetrating as the screams of sixty thousand people crammed into Giants Stadium, was that it was his fault. No matter what Jay said, what Richie said, hell, even what Billie might say when - if - she woke up, when you came right down to it, none of this would’ve happened if Billie hadn’t been so dead-set on protecting him. As the word ‘dead’ flicked through his brain, though, he felt a surge of nausea.

‘Jesus, what if she dies? What if she dies because she was protecting me? What if, after all this time of raising my son, loving my son, all I’ve truly brought to her is pain and death? How can I live with that on my conscience?’

Jon bolted to his feet, heading for the door.

“Jonny?” Richie watched as he yanked the door open and left the room without a word.

He knew, of course. He knew what was going through Jon’s head. Hell, they’d said it in interviews before - at times they could almost read each other’s thoughts, like some long married couple, they could finish each other’s sentences. Getting to his feet, he looked down apologetically at the shocked faces of the young couple on the couch.

“I’ll go see what’s wrong with him.” He said, offering a lame explanation. “He doesn’t like hospitals much.”

The hallway was deserted, but at the sight of a fire exit sign, Richie knew where to look, pushing the crash bar on the door to find Jon hunched on the stairs, his head buried in his hands.

“Jon?”

The singer just shook his head, refusing to look at his oldest friend.

‘My fault, my fault, my fucking fault she’s here.’

“No, it’s not.”

This time Jon did raise his head, turning to look at Richie as the older man sat next to him on the cold stairs.

“Did I say…….?”

“No, but I know what you’re thinkin’, Kidd.” Richie said kindly, one hand gripping Jon’s shoulder tightly. “You’re thinking it’s your fault. If you hadn’t gone off on the bike, if you hadn’t met Billie, if you’d been able to keep your dick in your jeans, she’d be okay. And you’re wrong. Fate is a sneaky bitch, Jon, and if things hadn’t happened this way, they’d have happened some other way. Jay was right, y’know. The only one - the only one - to blame for this is the guy who did it.”

“Fabian.” Jon spat.

“Maybe.” Richie said carefully. “But you don’t know that, and you - we - need to wait until Billie wakes up and can tell us what happened.”

“If she wakes up.”

“She will fucking wake up! Don’t you even dare think anything else!” Came a voice from above them, and they looked up in shock to find Jay standing over them.

Chapter 38

After quickly examining Jay’s battered hands, Kadie was relieved to discover that the damage was only on the surface - bruising and torn skin, but no apparently serious damage. That said, she warned him that it was going to hurt like a sonofabitch for a few days, as the bruises and cuts stiffened. Jay just sat looking at her patiently, his mental - emotional - pain far greater than any physical injury right now, and Kadie sighed, leaning to kiss him.

“Just stay there and try not to attack anything else.” She said sternly, leaving him on the floor and getting to her feet. “I’ll go get some gauze and stuff.”

“Can I at least sit on the couch?” He pouted, and she smiled.

“Yeah, sure.” She laughed as Jay held up a hand, begging assistance. “Jesus, guys are all the same! One little bruise and they need a nurse.”

As he got to his feet, Jay pulled her into his arms, his hands resting naturally on her butt as he smiled tenderly.

“I think I’ll always need you, baby.” He said softly, dipping his head to bump his forehead against hers. “I know we hardly know each other, but - and feel free to smack me if this freaks you out - I think I could be falling in love with you……….Desi.”

“Desi?” She said in surprise. Nobody’d ever called her that before, and Jay shrugged slightly.

“I dunno. Just seems to fit you, baby. And, well, everybody calls you Kadie…….I guess I wanted something that’s just mine.”

She looked up at him. She’d never believed in love at first sight. Lust, sure. She’d fallen madly in lust with one or two guys in her life, but love? Strange thing was, though, even after just the short time they’d known each other, if she tried now to imagine her life without Jay in it, well, it didn’t seem like much of a life. Maybe there was something to this love thing after all. Somehow, too, his need to have a name that was just his to use, well, that struck her as sweet and lovable. And she liked the feeling. Smiling as tenderly as he did, she raised a hand to his face, brushing her thumb over his cheekbone as she cupped her hand along his jaw.

“Actually…….it doesn’t freak me out, Jay. And that scares me a bit.” Her thumb moved again, caressing down over his full lips. “Because I can’t imagine not having you around, baby.”

His eyes lit with joy. Maybe it was just the circumstances right now, the fact he could very easily lose the one person who’d been a constant through his entire life that was making him just say what he was feeling. But whatever the reason, Jay didn’t regret saying it, especially given that Kadie - Desi - had echoed his feelings. Smiling again, he leaned in to kiss her, and it somehow felt different now. Felt more special, almost, now that they’d voiced their feelings for one another. As they slowly parted, Kadie eased back out of his arms.

“Let me go get stuff for your hands, baby.” She said huskily, and Jay let go of her reluctantly.

“Don’t be too long.” He murmured.

She made it to the door when a thought struck her, and she walked slowly back to him.

“Jay - I should tell you. When I was talking with Richie - he told me that your mom told him everything - everything - that happened, and he told Jon.”

“He what? What right did he have……?”

“I don’t think he meant to.” She said quickly, now knowing exactly why Richie had told Jon the truth. “I think he was just really shocked by it, Jay, and he needed to tell someone. For kinda obvious reasons, he couldn’t - or wouldn’t - tell you. Don’t be mad at him. I just wanted to make sure you knew that, well, all four of us know the whole story.”

“Except for who did it.” Jay’s eyes darkened angrily. “Though I have a pretty fucking good idea.”

“You do?!” Kadie laid a hand on his arm. “Who, Jay? Who do you think…….?”

“I…..” He looked at her, the shadows in his eyes frightening her. “Mom was seeing a guy who’s involved with the team, until I told her he was married. I’m afraid that when she told him to take a hike he may have……may have lost his temper…..”

“But, baby, what’s been done to your mom…….seems a bit over the top for a guy being told he’s history.”

“He’s a prick.” Jay said firmly. “I mean, I’ve heard the guys talking about him - hell, they even refer to him as Nick the Prick half the time. I hate the idea that someone I know could’ve done this, but……well, mom’s too sensible to let a stranger into her hotel room…….I just….”

“Baby.” Kadie whispered, cupping his face gently, not knowing what to say or do. Knowing all she could do was be there for him. “Please….just…..just wait here, okay? I’ll be back in a minute and we can talk. We’ll just have to wait, and when your mom wakes……”

“Don’t you mean ‘if’ she wakes up?” He said bleakly, wincing as the gentle touch on his face changed to fingertips digging into the sides of his head.

“No! No, I don’t, Jay!” She snapped. “Don’t you dare give up on her! I’ll smack the shit out of you if I hear another word like that, you hear me?!”

“Ow!” He yelped. “I hear you, baby. Okay, so when mom wakes up…..?”

“When she wakes up, she can explain what happened. To you, or me, or the cops, but until she’s awake and can tell the story, just don’t assume anything, okay? You’ll drive yourself nuts.”

With those parting words of wisdom, Kadie left Jay sitting on the couch, staring blindly at the floor. When the door opened, he raised his head, assuming it was her, but it was Jon and Richie, each bearing two cardboard cups of coffee.

“What the fuck happened?” Jon saw the state of Jay’s hands, and almost dropped the cups he carried.

Richie, though, spotted the hole in the painted wall and rolled his eyes.

“I guess the wall lost?” He said, jerking his head toward the damage, and Jay grinned shamefacedly, blushing.

“Yeah, it did.” His hands were truly aching now, and seeing the pain in his face Jon laid the coffee on the table, not asking him to take it in his damaged hands. “De…..uh, Kadie’s gone for gauze and shit.”

“Quite a temper you got there.” Richie said, half-directing his words at Jon as he spoke.

The two older men sat down, Richie taking the spot next to Jay to prevent Kadie being hit with another of those deja-vu-all-over-again moments when she returned. Or, God forbid, someone else walking in and catching the uncanny resemblance.

“Yeah.” Jay reached carefully for his coffee, flicking the lid off and raising it to his lips. After a long sip, he laid the cup down, keeping his eyes on it as he spoke to his companions. “Kadie told me…….what happened to mom.” He flicked a glance at Richie, then at Jon. “She told me you both know?”

“My fault.” Richie said quickly. “I’m sorry, Jay. Your mom told me, and I guess I just needed to tell somebody. Jon got elected.”

“I kinda understand.” Jay said softly, reaching for his coffee again. “I just wish mom would wake up soon, so we can find out for sure who…….”

“For sure?” Jon picked up on the words first. “You think you know who did this?”

“I…….” Jay looked down, unsure whether he should voice his vague suspicion. And that was all it was. He couldn’t imagine any reason Nick would do something this violent.

“Dammit, Jay, if you know who did this……” Jon blurted, his vehemence shocking Jay.

“C’mon, Jon.” Richie butted in quickly. “If Jay doesn’t want to……”

Jon turned his head, knowing how damned close he was to blurting out the truth, to telling Jay just why he felt so responsible for Billie. How close to telling him that his father wasn’t some long-dead fiancé, but that he was sitting right here. That he was Jay’s father. And this so wasn’t the time for that kind of thing.

“Nick.”

Jon swung around at Jay’s soft voice, seeing the confusion, the hurt in the Bongiovi-blue eyes.

“Nick?” Richie echoed Jay’s quiet voice. “Nick who?”

“Nick Fabian.” Jay said reluctantly.

Chapter 37

Kadie stood staring at the pair on the couch. She couldn’t figure out why she’d never seen the similarity before, because now it was so blindingly obvious. Richie’s desperate whisper only confirmed what her eyes were telling her. Jay - her Jay - was Jon Bon Jovi’s son. And he didn’t know it. Sweet Jesus, but how much more was the guy meant to have to take today?

“Kadie?” Jay was getting to his feet, her stunned expression scaring him. “What’s wrong? What’s happened?”

She could feel Richie’s hand still on her waist, his thumb unobtrusively pressing against her back, the touch somehow begging her to keep quiet about what he knew she’d just figured out. Making a swift decision, Kadie knew it wasn’t her place to tell Jay about his parentage. That little task was down to Billie. And Jon of course.

“Sorry baby.” She said with a smile. “I……I had a drink of cold water when I was down seeing the nurse and I guess it was too cold - make me feel icky for a second. I’m okay now.”

“You sure?” Richie played along, looking at her with what Jay saw as concern but Kadie knew was gratitude.

“Yeah. I’m good.” Her eyes reminded him of her request that he take Jon away. “Could you….?”

“Yeah.” Richie gave her a smile of thanks, looking across to Jon. “Jonny, c’mere a minute, will ya? Kadie needs to talk to Jay. Let’s go get a coffee.”

“But…….” Jon fell silent at the glare he received from both Richie and Kadie. There was something going on here that he’d missed.

“Hey, it can only be better than the stuff from over there.” Jay pointed out, and Jon nodded grudgingly.

“You got a point there, buddy.” He rose from the couch. “You guys want any brought back?”

When they both said yes, Jon quickly asked how they liked their coffee, then he followed Richie from the room, closing the door behind them and following his taller friend along the hallway.

“Wanna tell me what’s going on?” Jon snapped as he caught up to Richie. “And what exactly Kadie needs to tell Jay in private?”

“Well, what d’you think?” Richie looked at his friend in near disgust. “The nurse told Kadie what’s happened to Billie. D’you actually think she’d tell Jay in front of us? In front of his boss?”

“I guess.” Jon gave ground fractionally, knowing Richie was right.

“Anyway, you have another problem now. Kadie knows.”

“Knows what?”

“Aw, Jesus, she knows we’re in Philly, she knows I play guitar, she knows a lot of shit, Jonny. What do you think I’m talking about? She knows you’re…….” Instinct lowered his voice. “She knows you’re Jay’s father.”

“You told her?!”

“No, asshole. Why do you think she slammed to a stop at the door? The way you two looked up, side by side, there was no way she couldn’t see it. Kinda weird - it was like looking at you sat next to you twenty years ago. But without the hair.”

“Aw, shit!” Jon blurted out, stopping in his tracks and staring at Richie. “Shit, shit, shit!”

“Hardly eloquent, but yeah. Shit just about covers it.” Richie managed a tiny smile. “And it’s what you’re hip-deep in right now.”

“Fuck - is she gonna tell him? Is she…….” Jon turned as though to go back to the waiting room, only to feel Richie’s big hand on his shoulder.

“No, she won’t. I told her he doesn’t know, and she’s not going to tell him.”

“How do you know that? You can’t be sure.”

“Actually, somehow, I am.” Richie shrugged. “It was in her eyes. She’s going to hurt him enough right now - she won’t add to it.”

Oddly, that reassured Jon. Over the years he’d learned that Richie was a far better judge of people than he was - Denise excepted - and if he was so dead certain that Kadie wouldn’t tell Jay, then he’d trust that. Or maybe he was just clinging to the hope that she wouldn’t.

In the waiting room, Richie’s swift removal of Jon from the room, leaving them alone so Kadie could talk to him in private did nothing to allay Jay’s fears, and he scoured her face for a hint as she walked toward him.

“Kadie?” He asked in a tiny, soft voice, his eyes desperately frightened.

“No bad news, baby.” She said, not entirely truthfully. Reaching a hand to cup his cheek, she pushed him back toward the couch. “Sit down. There’s no good news yet, but there’s nothing bad happened while we’ve been in here. Sit down and I’ll tell you everything I know.”

He sank onto the couch, Kadie sitting close to him and holding his hands in hers, staring intently into his eyes.

“Jay - I don’t want to have to tell you this, and it’s going to be hard for you to hear, baby, but I don’t believe in keeping secrets. Do you want to know everything I know? I mean everything.”

“Yes.” There wasn’t even a hesitation. “Doesn’t mean I’ll like it - from the look on your face, I’m sure I won’t - but I have to know, baby.”

“That’s what I thought.” She whispered, glancing toward the door, making sure it was shut.

Watching her face closely, Jay saw a tear break from the corner of her eye, betraying her own feelings right now, and he tightened his hands on hers. He wasn’t even sure which of them he was trying to comfort.

“Jay, I already told you that your mom was raped.”

“Yeah.” That muscle working in his cheek again as his eyes darkened.

“Whoever did it also beat her, but the reason she’s bleeding so badly…..” A deep breath. “She’s bleeding so bad, Jay, because he……he……shit.” This had to be the hardest thing she’d ever had to do in her life, and she tried to hold her voice gentle, to not give voice to her own disgust. “Jay, the guy who raped her also…..also sodomised her……and that’s what’s causing the bleeding. He’s hurt her very badly, Jay.”

“He what?!” Jay was shaking with anger, tears falling unnoticed over his lashes as his hands clenched on Kadie’s. “The sick fuck……he……he did that to my mom? I’ll kill him!”

“Jay!” Kadie snapped, breaking through the anger fogging his head, bringing him back to her. “Doctor Riviello has taken her up to surgery, to try to stop the bleeding, to repair the….the tears. She’s still in an awful lot of danger, Jay. Doctor Riviello is the best, but even so….you need to understand she might not come out of this, baby.”

“I understand.” He whispered, his eyes burning with rage. “And I understand that I’ll castrate that bastard when I get my hands on him. I’ll…….sweet Jesus, Kadie……what he did…..”

“I know, baby. I know.” She murmured, pulling him into her arms again, but he only clung to her for a second before pulling free, needing to move.

Jumping to his feet, Jay paced around the room, his fists clenching spasmodically as he tried to fight the anger. Tried to hold himself together, because all he wanted to do right now was go out and find the bastard, to make him pay for what he’d done. Somewhere inside, though, he knew he was needed here, knew his mom needed him here, needed him strong, and the two emotions were tearing him apart, between what he wanted to do and what he should do.

Kadie watched him helplessly, knowing he needed to work this through himself, her own mind still whirling with what she’d learned only a few minutes before, and her attention focused onto her thoughts, not her eyes, so she missed the signs of what Jay was about to do until it was too late.

“Fuck!” He screamed into the silence of the room, his rage bursting through as he slammed his fist into the wall. “Motherfucker!!”

He pounded his fists into the wall, grunting with the force of every punch, and in the seconds it took Kadie to get off the couch and over to him his knuckles were raw and bleeding. She could only be thankful he’d chosen a sheetrock wall, and not a brick one, as he’d punched a hole clear through the painted board.

“Jay! Stoppit!” From behind, she wrapped her arms around him, pinning his arms to his sides as best she could.

The sound of her voice and the support of her arms was enough to break into his brain, but she wasn’t strong enough to hold him as he slumped suddenly, dropping to the floor, his damaged hands cradled against his belly. As Kadie fell on her knees beside him, the door blasted open and a security guard appeared, but Kadie threw him such a venomous glare as she waved him off that he backed away, understanding that the only casualty here was a wall.

On her knees, Kadie wrapped her arms around Jay, holding him as he pulled himself back from the brink of that unreasoning rage, pulled himself toward sanity again. After long minutes, she felt him nod against her shoulder, then heard his voice, husky from his screams of rage.

“S’okay, baby.” He whispered. “I’m okay now. I just……”

“Shut up.” Kadie murmured against his ear. “It’s okay, Jay. Just hush.”

He pulled his head back, gazing at her for a moment before pressing his lips to hers, kissing her tenderly, taking strength from her before easing back again. The rage was back to a manageable level now, which meant the pain broke through instead, and he glanced down before looking at her sheepishly.

“Got a Band Aid?” He asked, holding up his bleeding hands.