Chapter Seven

They’d ridden all of that day. Not exactly breaking the land-speed record, in fact barely reaching the speed limit much of the time, but just tooling along and enjoying every second of the ride. Because of that, and their extended lunch stop, they hadn’t really made much distance, but then that wasn’t the point of this trip. It was meant to be relaxing and healing, not a breakneck dash across country.

As the sun began to fade, dipping toward the horizon, throwing a wash of dusky light onto the Santa Monica mountains, they pulled the bikes in to a roadside motel, Doc dealing with checking them in, to avoid recognition of his famous buddy. There was a diner-cum-bar next door, and they agreed to quickly clean up and meet over there for dinner in an hour.

Dot sweetly asked Jon to bring her saddlebag into the room, and while he lagged behind doing that, she snuck into the bathroom, grabbing the shower before he even got inside. Over the sound of the water, she heard his joking curses at her little trick, but she just laughed, soaping and shampooing away the grime.

Emerging from the steamy bathroom, wrapped in a towel, Dot found Jon sprawled on the bed watching TV, but he snapped his head up when he heard her, grinning slowly at her pink, glowing skin.

“Good shower?” He asked, getting off the bed.

“Uh-huh.”

“So you’re all clean, huh?”

“Yes.” She said suspiciously as he moved closer. “Why?”

“Nothin’.” He muttered with an evil smirk, then grabbed her, pulling her clean body against his still-dusty one.

“Dammit, Jonny!”

Any further protests were stifled as he kissed her and, for the first time since she’d found him in Malibu, there was hunger in his kiss. Dot moaned softly as his tongue probed deeper into her mouth, feeling his hands unknotting the towel wrapped around her, easing back to let it fall. Jon turned them around, dropping her onto the bed, laying himself gently on top of her as they kissed, one hand on her breast, and Dot whimpered with need. She’d needed him so badly for days now, hell, for weeks and months while he’d been gone, and he was finally taking the step forward to making love to her.

He dropped his head lower, sucking on her nipple, then suddenly, shockingly, he got off her, leaving Dot lying naked on the bed, looking up at him in astonishment.

“Jon…..?”

“I’m sorry, baby.” He whispered painfully, backing toward the bathroom. “I…….I’m sorry……..I need to shower.”

Jon vanished into the bathroom, closing and - for the first time since Dot had known him - locking the door.

“What the hell?” She muttered in confusion, moving off the bed to pick up her towel. This wasn’t good.


In the bathroom, Jon slumped down on the edge of the bath, head in hands. He couldn’t believe this. He knew himself - his own body’s reactions - well enough to know that, with Dot’s taste in his mouth, and the prolonged period of abstinence he’d endured - other than the odd groupie here and there - his dick should have been ripping through his jeans to get into her. But there was nothing. Not the slightest response to having the woman he loved under him. She was right there, naked and hungry, giving herself freely and gladly. And he couldn’t even get it up.

“What the fuck is wrong with me?” He mumbled.

“Jonny?” A soft knocking on the door, and he swallowed hard, swallowing back the hurt and confusion.

“Yeah, Dot?”

“You okay?”

“Yeah. I’m just……..I’m tired I guess, and I need to get clean. I’ll be out in a few.”

He showered quickly, turning the water as hot as it would go, wondering if he could scald some feeling into himself, then giving up. Wrapping a towel around his waist, he went back to the bedroom.

Dot was already dressed in clean jeans and top - she’d decided to keep one pair of jeans for riding, that way the other pair could stay at least partly clean - and she was sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for him. Jon smiled at her, but never made eye contact, digging into his own saddlebag for clean jeans.

“Jon?”

“Uh-huh?” He still didn’t look at her, and Dot sighed, getting off the bed and walking over.

She grabbed a handful of hair in each hand, turning him to face her, looking right into his eyes.

“Jon, it’s okay.”

“But I…..” He couldn’t even say it, but Dot shook his head by the hair she held.

“I said it’s okay.” She sighed. “Baby, you’re depressed. I’m no psychologist, but it’s kinda obvious, and I know this can be a, a symptom I guess. More you worry about it……… Just kiss me and we’ll go to dinner.”

Jon obeyed. Mainly because kissing her stopped her penetrating gaze on his face. He was scared to look in her eyes, because he was afraid he’d see pity there, and that was the last thing he could handle. Compassion, maybe, but pity would kill him.

“God, I love you, Dorothea.” He whispered against her ear as they hugged before parting.

“I love you, too, Jon.”

They pulled on their dusty boots - neither of them had thought to bring spare shoes - and headed out to the bar to meet Doc for dinner.


The next few days passed in much the same way, with late starts and lazy, relaxed riding up the PCH and beyond. Whenever Dot would yell in Jon’s ear, he’d signal to Doc and they’d pull off the road so she could photograph whatever it was had taken her fancy. She’d taken what she hoped would be some great shots of the Golden Gate Bridge as they approached, even snapping a few as they rode across, but mostly just enjoying the ride over the landmark structure.

Just after the Bridge, south of Fort Bragg, they’d hung a right onto State Route Twenty, heading out toward Nevada City, passing through the mountains and into the Sacramento Valley. They’d followed the road until they met the I-80, travelling along that now into Utah, passing through the so-called Forty Mile Desert on their way.

The days were good. The weather held kind for them, with only the occasionally windy day to dry their skin even more. They were all - even Doc - using the moisturising sunscreen Dot had picked up at one stop, to avoid the worst of sunburn and to keep their skin from turning to leather. So far, and in fact until they would eventually hit Missouri, they were in states which didn’t require helmets on over-eighteens, and with the heat of the sun they were glad of it. Doc wore a bandana to cover his balding head, Dot wore one to try to alleviate the worst tangling of her hair, while Jon wore one just because it looked cool. Unlike the other two, though, his was worn headband style most of the time, not covering his head but just keeping his hair out of his face.

At nights, though, Jon’s demons would return to haunt him. Dot had been as understanding as any woman could be, probably more than most, but Jon couldn’t help wondering what the hell was wrong with him. It wasn’t as though he didn’t want Dot, God knows he wanted her to the point of physical pain, but he just couldn’t…….perform. At least, he thought, she wasn’t being totally denied, as he loved her as much as he could, loving her with mouth and hands, and her moans and muffled screams told him he was satisfying her that way, but still………

One chilly morning somewhere in Colorado, Dot woke early, looking down at the man sleeping next to her. She loved him to distraction, but she knew what she had to do right now. The travelling and roaming free was helping him to a certain extent, but he needed more. He needed freedom from everything and everyone he knew, and that included her. Knowing that, she woke him gently, waking him with a kiss.

“Hey baby.” He mumbled, opening his eyes then frowning. “It’s still dark.”

“I know it is.” She smiled, stroking his hair back. “I need you to do something for me, Jon. For you, too, I think.”

“What, Dot?” Jon pushed himself into a sitting position, hearing the serious tone of her voice.

“I need you to leave.”

“What?!”

“You need to carry on this trip alone, baby.” She explained. “I don’t know what it is exactly, but having me here, having Doc here, you’re not being allowed to let go of everything you need to. Hell, when we stop for meals, you two still end up talking about work. You just can’t help it - you can’t switch it off.”

“I didn’t realise………we do, huh?” He nodded, knowing it was true.

“Yeah, you do. You need to go alone, Jon.”

“Is this because……..?”

“No! Nothing to do with it. I told you already, baby, it’s a symptom, that’s all. I want you to get up, shower, get dressed, and go, Jon.”

“What about you? And Doc?”

“I’ll ride with Doc to the next airport, then I’ll fly home to Jersey. You can come find me when you’re ready.” She spoke carefully, because she wasn’t really sure if it would be ‘when’ he was ready or ‘if’ he was ready. “I’ll explain it to Doc. Please, Jonny. Trust me on this. Go.”

He gazed at her for long moments, then sighed. She was right - with Doc there, he was still Jon Bon Jovi, rockstar. He needed to be himself, son of his parents, and nothing else for a while.

“I love you, Dorothea Rose.” He murmured, kissing her soundly.

“I love you, too, John Francis.”

Without another word, Jon slipped into the bathroom, showering and dressing, packing his stuff into the saddlebags and leaving Dot’s clothes on the dresser. He stopped at the door, looking back at her as he shrugged into his leather jacket. She sat watching him, still in the bed, naked but for the blankets. Jon gave her a half-strength grin.

“I’ll see ya soon, baby.” He winked, though he could feel his heart twisting in pain.

“That you will. Take care, and don’t forget to call your mom!” Dot told him, keeping her hands under the blankets so he couldn’t see her white-knuckled, clenched fists as she fought the urge to tell him to stay.

He left the room, closing the door quietly, and she heard the faint crunch of gravel as he wheeled the Harley a polite distance from the building before starting the engine, trying to keep the throaty roar as muted as possible as he drove away into the darkness.